God has me in this extremely vulnerable state right now. I'm learning surrender, grace, heartbreak, submission, faith, obedience, and love. I've learned a lot of these at one time or another but there is a severe difference between those instances and now: Those were all spread out, and they were happening on a less intense scale. What is happening now is all happening at the same time and are happening in very intense ways.

Let me paint you a picture. Me. Wrapped in a blanket. In the bathroom. Curled up in a ball. Inside of the bathtub. Crying. Surrounded by used tissues. With the bathroom fan on so no one can hear me. Pain.

This isn't depression in any way. Believe me, I would know. This is growing up. It's learning to be the light in such a dark world. It's learning to stand up for Christ when the world wants to push you back down. It's learning to have child like faith when you're expected to know all the answers. It's learning that one of the best ways I can show my Father that I love him is through obedience, no matter how much it hurts. It's love.

It's funny how I can piece together all the things the Holy Spirit has been teaching me the past year and they all fit a puzzle of how He wants me to be living. [Thank you, Jesus.] Obedience, no matter what the cost. My own death, of my own desires, no matter that the cost. Love, no matter the person or their past, and no matter what the circumstance. God is calling me to a life of love. I don't know much of what that looks like. The only thing I do know about that life is that it is all about Jesus. Letting my body be used as a temple for the Holy Spirit to dwell. Sacrificing all my worldly and fleshly desires for the desires of Christ.

 

Bring it on, then.

.......

I plan to continue blogging on this site. I hope to blog once a week, but I'm not committing to that. Hopefully you all will still be as interested in what I have to say when I am in America as you were when I was in Southern Africa!!! And don't be afraid to comment because I would love your encouragement!

Also, please keep The World Race's Team Se7en in your prayers. They went through an armed robbery last week in Tanzania. Everyone is fine and no one was injured. Praise God! I want to recognize their tremendous courage and faith through this whole ordeal. They lost nearly everything (sleeping bags, passports, shoes, computers, cameras, backpacks, clothes, money, I-pods, etc.) and right after the robbery when people from the community came to see what happened, they preached the gospel to them. I am so encouraged by this team and their love for God and how they are showing through actions that all they need is Jesus. If you feel compassion for this team and feel lead to donate money to them, there is an account set up to help cover some of their material losses.

Love