You all saw this one coming. I realize that this blog is two months late, so hopefully you can still appreciate it. I really wanted to share some pictures and video footage of my time in Swaziland with you! I didn't do a picture slideshow from this trip and I didn't get to go out with many people and share about my time, so this may be the first time some of you see the pictures, or atleast get an explanation to what the pictures mean. Enjoy!!! And I am still interested in sharing about both trips to Africa with anyone who wants to listen!

*Sorry if this isn't the most visually appealing blog. I had some major problems getting all the pictures up in the right way...and after several hours, it still isn't right. I hope you can still enjoy it!*

We started off our journey to Swaziland with a day spent in the Atlanta Airport. It was a REALLY long time, so the kids invented their own game: Using my eye mask to blindfold someone, and have them hold onto a sweatshirt and be guided around the atrium. Super fun!

This is a lovely group shot of the Swaziland Ambassador team in the Atlanta Airport, that we totally rocked and took over with the Kenya team! Notice the girl (Hannah P) sleeping on the chair...this has to be my favorite part of the picture!

This is the first glimpse we saw of Africa after being on the plane for between 12-14 hours. We were super excited to see it, and also super excited because this meant there was hope for us to get off that plane! The land that is pictured is actually the TALLEST sand dunes in the world. Cool, huh?

The picture on the right is the hut all the ladies slept in while we were in Swaziland. It wasn't actually that bad...minus the mice. Toward the end of our time living there I found out my bed was the rat highway between our hut and the roof. Oh, joy :) And the picture on the left is a far-off shot of our homestead. Isn't it beautiful? We were in the middle of the mountains!

You all expected these pictures! The picture on the left is a street view of our squatties. They weren't the best constructed squatties, but weren't too bad. They made it impossible to not pee on yourself, and they didn't have doors and they were facing the road that everyone walked on. And the picture on the right I like to call "The Squattie Throne." This squattie was a dream come true! You just hop up on that bad boy and it is so easy to stay balanced on it. And it doesn't smell bad either! The only downfall is that there are two squatties sharing a wall, so you can totally see someone else going if you are both there at the same time. But, I think it's worth it! (Stay tuned for a related video at the bottom of this blog!)

The group picture is from a group of us got up REALLY early in the morning while it was still dark and hiked up a local mountain to see the sunrise. We were up there for a long time because the sun had a longer way to rise to be seen over the mountains. Even though I had toilet paper stuck up my nose because I was sick and I was totally attacked by prickers, I think it was worth it to see the sunrise and go up there with some of my beloveds! And the picture on the right is super random, but I like it because it shows a really long street name in Manzini. That has to be a hundred letters right there.

All four of these pictures were taken at the Timbutini care point, the care point we walked to most days. Picture #1 and #3 are of the same baby boy. Whenever I was at this care point his older sister would give him to me. And he would be asleep within five minutes and would be asleep for over an hour in my arms. This was my favorite part of the day. Picture #2 is of Sibusiso (his name means blessing in Siswati), my heart in human form. He was at the care point everyday we were there, from morning to afternoon. We had this connection from day #1, or maybe he just liked me because I swung him upside down when we first met. Either way, we spent everyday together and he would run to me and jump into my arms. It was so sweet getting to spend time with him everyday. There is so much that I would like to say about him, but that is for another blog. Picture #4 is of Tabani. I wrote about him in my blog "What Love Can Do" (hyperlinks are still not working for me. You can find this blog on the left side of my page. It's a good one, check it out!).  He used to be mute, and after my team was done with him, He was speaking again. Yay, Jesus!

CHICKEN DAY!!! Probobaly the best day ever created, next to Christmas. My brilliant co-leaders and I decided to make a day all about chickens because our life in Swazi pretty much revolved around them. We ate them, played with them, slept with them, and lived with dozens of them. It only made sense to have a day dedicated to them! It started out by having a chicken dinner from Dusty Chicken (street vendor) the night before and waking up and making chicken hats from our arts and crafts supplies. They got pretty competitive with this. Altough I wasn't there for the hat-making because I was in the city taking someone to the clinic, I was able to wear my own hat afterward! My action group (picture #2) were so awesome that they went into the chicken pen to pick up feathers! Now, that is dedication. Gogo actually helped my team by hand plucking feathers off of a chicken. We put them on hats and won the contest! Afterward we did several egg related games like an egg toss and that one game you do with a spoon and an egg. It was pretty amazing. But that's not all...

We sent each group to go catch a chicken and dress it in a T-shirt. Brilliant, right? In the picture on the left my co-leader Caleb is handing me one of the roosters with a T-shirt that suits him very well. My excuse for my facial expression is that it started flapping his wings as he handed the rooster to me! It was a little unnerving. And in the picture on the right I successfully received the rooster. Yay, me! All in all, Chicken Day was a success and will be happening again in the future.

This is Jesus Baby at Mangoneni care point.  I wrote about him in a blog titled, "He is my shadow." It's worth checking out (on the left side of this page). And the picture directly below is a group picture of a group of ladies I took to that care point. Even though the kids are CRAZY, we had such a great time loving on these kids and being challenged as well.

This is me doing my favorite thing in life: holding a sleeping baby. I held him for five minutes, at the most, before he was asleep. What am I, a baby sofa?

:P

               

What trip to Africa would be complete without a Safari trip? Picture #1 is just ridiculous... I was sick with a nasty sinus infection but refused to let it prevent me from everyday activities (well, I tried. I did fall asleep during Sunday School once...) Since my nose was like a faucet and would literally drip, I was handy and would roll up toilet paper and stick it up my nose. I'm such a smartie. And yes, I did go out in public like that for several days. Picture #2 is of my safari group in our sick Safari style truck. Picture #4 is of the whole team posing with dead animal skulls. Who wouldn't do that? 

[Okay, not really. But I think He probably would have had it.]

This post is my heart. And my heart is bleeding a lot as I write this.

While I was in Swaziland I had a dream where I was riding in an African van/coombie. My seat was right next to a window in the row the second from the back. All of sudden, a man came running after the van and jumped onto it in his attempt to get into the coombie. There was no way this man could have successfully jumped into the van window. What ended up happening was he was hanging onto the bottom of the window. His body was dangling below the window, dangerously close to being shredded by the rocks that made up the road. From where I sat, I could see only one option to get this man in the van. I knew I had to jump out of the van window to get him in there safely. I would have to jump out of the window, and using all my power and strength, lunge the man forward through the vehicle window. My thoughts were that I knew I would die...but this man didn't know Jesus. I knew where I was going when I died, but I didn't know where he was going to go. So, because of that, I decided to give up my life for him to find True Life. I knew my sacrifice would speak deep down to his soul. I knew he would know that something worth dying for is something worth living for. And so the dream ended as I jumped out of the van, giving up my life for this man I'd never met who would hopefully, someday, meet Jesus, the Lover of His soul. 

Jesus is clearly a lot of things. One thing Jesus definitely was is a missionary. I'm not going to get all theological, because I don't really care about that. Jesus was the ultimate missionary. And He loved the "least of these" with everything He had- which is A LOT because He was God walking on Earth!

Who exactly are "the least of these"? The poor people, the people who are homeless, the people who are hungry? Yeah, they are definitely lesser than most people. But who is the LEAST? Who is alienated? Hopeless? Drained? Avoided? Hated? Those who have HIV are all of those things. The only thing I can relate HIV/AIDS to is Leprosy. It is recorded that Jesus healed a total of 11 people with Leprosy during his public ministry (Matthew 8:1-4; Luke 17:11-19). Those who had leprosy were the outcasts. No one would touch the lepers because touching them would make you unclean. That's exactly how those with HIV are treated. So often people with HIV are completely avoided because people get this idea that HIV is airborne (total crap lie). Even though HIV is extremely prevalent in Southern Africa, if your village finds out you are Positive, they will likely kick you out of your house and your village. If you have HIV, no one wants you. But Jesus wants them- SO BADLY!

One of the most traumatic times for someone with HIV, or for someone who lives in a HIV stricken area, is when they are hurt and shed blood. People will run away from you as if they are expecting HIV to come and infect them in a gas form. Times like these are when they need Jesus most. And, if HIV were prevalent (or even existed back then...) when Jesus walked on Earth, He would have been all over the people with HIV. He wouldn't run away when they scraped their knee or got a paper cut or got a bloody nose. He would stay there and love them through it all, because that's who Jesus is. And He wouldn't care if He was near them when they were bleeding. (It's probably not "theologically correct" to say that Jesus could get sick...but just think about it.) He wouldn't be afraid for their blood to enter His bloodstream, because He wants to show them His love in GRAND ways! There is no limits to His love. When his son gets a bloody nose, Jesus is to the rescue to clean it up (with his HANDS). When his daughter trips when she is playing jump rope and scrapes her knee, Jesus is there to clean her up and get the rubble out of her knee. 

You know what? I think Jesus can relate to those who have HIV and the shame people put them through. Jesus shed blood and most people didn't want to be near Him when he hung on the cross. Jesus knows what it's like! 

Okay, so I know this blog is "out there." I know, and I'm okay with that. I feel deeply passionate for those with HIV/AIDS, and this is a revelation I got from the Lord about it. Hopefully you were able to follow my train of thought. Please, let the Lord do what He wants in your heart with this concept.

P.S. If you haven't read my post, Loving with No Condition, you might want to.  (My hyperlink icon isn't working, but it is featured on the left side of this blog as a "recent blog post." 

It talks about this very thing. Here is an excerpt...

"

Yesterday my roommates got a hold of me as I was attempting to jet out of the school parking lot. We realized the three of us hadn't sat down to pray together and share what the Lord was speaking to us about our living situation. We had a really encouraging chat and prayer time. I was able to share my heart about knowing God was fully capable of providing a place for us to stay, but doubting that He would want to. My simplicity-based heart didn't see how an apartment was really necessary. I was more than willing to go without. This doubt is rooted in how the people I've met in Third World Countries don't all have houses to live in or jobs to pay their bills. People keep telling me God will provide, and the Bible testifies to God's faithfulness. So, what about those people? Do those passages not apply to them? I know fully well that those passages do apply to God's beloveds in Third World Countries, though I may have a skewed view because of the condition my heart is in.

We all went to Giant's coffee shop to look online and in newspapers for apartments. We were feeling really confident that the Lord was going to bless us. But it wasn't going as easily as I had hoped for. Out of our few options, nothing was working out. One place was already rented out since it was listed that day. Another place wasn't ready to move in for another month. Another place wasn't answering the phone during regular business hours. Another place had the exact opposite availability as us which made scheduling a walk through impossible. Just...not working...at all. I left the coffee shop to get some fresh air and pray through what was happening. I walked for a few minutes until stopping to take in the scenery and the breeze. Then I heard that same whisper saying to look to my left, and there Jesus was. When I encountered Him, it was Him coming to my side, to my rescue, as my Husband. His presence, His peace, His love were tangible. And he spoke to me of how I wouldn't have to wait long to find an apartment...that we were close to finding it. 

I went back into the coffee shop and they were on the phone with a landlord about an apartment listing...the apartment that we ended up leasing! Right after that phone call we went out to see the property and signed a lease! It was a total God-thing because all of the obstacles we were finding with every other apartment never came up. It was surreal! It was a complete breeze and blessing! And to make it even better, I am going to be paying around $100 less a month on rent than I was expecting!

Thank you everyone for keeping me in your prayers the past few weeks. They have been such a blessing! Please continue to pray for me...for school, for discernment and peace, for moving in details, and for finding another part time job! (I enjoy budgeting...and from what I've calculated, the job that I was just offered won't pay for my whole budget...just my "worst case scenario" budget.) If you would like my new street address, please send me an email at Cait.Evangelista@gmail.com

A lot has changed since I've last posted here. For example, I've quit my job, moved an hour and a half away, enrolled in school, am living at a school that I don't attend, am living out of my pack again, am eating basically only apple and granola and am sleeping on a mat that I like to call Big Agnes. These things happened with three weeks notice- at the most. 

Yeah, my life has gotten a little crazy. And this isn't exactly how I had imagined my life for this time. But I wouldn't have it any other way. I don't know why this is such a surprise to me. If I hypnotize chickens for fun, have more poop stories than any one person should, see legs grow before my eyes, sit next to men who were raised from the dead, unknowingly carry a parasite for one and a half years, and know how to give ARV's (medicine that fights HIV) to toddlers. I should have known by that my life was a little off track from the American dream.

After making the risky decision to decline that ministry offer directly after coming back from Swaziland, Africa in August, I was left with no options, but I had a  premonition that something was going to happen. People would ask me if I could hold different leadership positions, or if I could commit to this or that, and I would have to say, "I can't commit to that because I feel like I'm going to be going somewhere. I don't know where. I don't know when I'm going. Or how long I'll be gone. Sorry..."

At this point I was so uncertain with just about everything. So I was asking God, "Am I supposed to be going to this school?" and He would respond sweetly, "Darling, wait..." I would respond, "Do you want me to apply?" and He would reply, "yes." When I would ask how I was going to pay for this, he would respond, "I'll take care of it." 

And then I got accepted to the school. Great! Minus the whole three-weeks-notice thing. And the whole finding-a-place-to-live thing. And, of course, the finding-a-job-in-this-dang-economy thing. But I trusted God the whole way. (Okay, I kinda sucked at that for the most part. But by the last week that was my only option.)

I learned a lot about God's character during this time. I learned that He is the best freaking Dad ever. And what it really means to say that God is faithful to the end. And how much of a hopeless romantic God is. And what it means to live radically as a female 20-something with only a high school diploma and no learned skills or trades.

What Jesus says in Matthew 6 about worrying is finally coming to life. When Jesus says, "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?" It finally clicked because I was put in a position where it was plausible to worry about those things!

I learned that God is an 11th hour God. "It's Abraham and Isaac on the mountain. It's Moses before the Red Sea with Pharaoh bearing down. It's Elijah dramatically calling fire down on the prophets of Baal. It's Jesus rising from the dead and promising us we'll do the same.

Too many of us love a jolly old grandfather of a God. If you're such a person, I long to introduce you to my overwhelming and terrifyingly unpredictable 11^th hour God. What a life he has for those who will trust him radically." Seth Barnes, He's an 11th Hour God.

I've been walking in faith. I have no certainty of anything. I didn't find a place to stay until 21 hours before leaving for school (even though that is a temporary residence. I still don't have a place to live permanently). I don't have any income. I don't have a job (I've applied for over 40 different jobs). 

But one week ago, when I was packing up my car, and trying not to cry because I was so clueless about what I was stepping into, I heard Him sweetly whisper to me, "Trust me. It's okay. Trust me. Trust me. Trust me. Everything's going to be okay." Repeatedly. 

It's starting to make sense why Jesus tells us, "...do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself."

I'm finding so much comfort in Him. I'm finding comfort in me not having any control. (Probably because I mess everything up.) Nothing is up to me. I have access to throwing all of these worldly things into the lap of Christ and then can have peace that He will take care of me. What a great Father He is!

"...do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." 

Still, please be praying for me. God has been providing faithfully, but there are still some things I am patiently waiting for. Although, whatever He would rather have me live without, I'm okay with that!

P.S. There is still more to be written about my time in Swaziland. 

I've typed this blog out too many times. I've come to this Word document too many times. I've stared at this screen too long. I don't know how to put this into words. 

The year I spent stateside after the Novas Project was hard. You only had to look me in the eyes to see that I was longing for something more. One of the hardest things was being a part of a church where the Mothers and Fathers loved so much. I would hear things like, "We're having a girl, we can't wait to meet her!" "How blessed am I to have these children!" and "Having children is like having your heart walk outside your body." 

Don't get me wrong, I am so thankful to hear these things. These things are completely honorable and glorifying to the Lord. It just pains me that these phrases are only used in a portion of the world.

One phrase in particular has haunted me. "He is my shadow." 

...Let me introduce you to someone I will call Jesus baby.

There is a care point in Manzini, Swaziland. It has enough little chairs for every child. There are flushing toilets. There is a pretty preschool with running water in the preschool building and outside the building. There are dozens of small tires sticking out of the dirt for children to run and jump over. There are children playing in the trees. There is a large open space where the boys play soccer. 

This looks like a safe haven at first. But across the street is the city dump. All day long you will see men and women picking through the trash hoping to find food, recyclables, or anything valuable. Down the street from the care point, off the main road, there is piles and piles of trash. Puddles of I don't know what and naked babies sitting in them. 

If you look through a different set of lenses at the care point you will see brokenness and desperation.As soon as you take a step toward the entrance gate at least 5 children are hanging off you and attempting to crawl up to your head. If you are a boy, you can triple that number. You will see a fire going to cook the pap and beans and a mentally challenged baby sitting one foot from it but he isn't physically able to crawl away. He cries, but no one listens to him. Babies diapers' are dripping and overflowing. Boys fist fighting each other to hold your hand. Little girls walking around with only a shirt on and no pants or skirt. 

When I was at this care point I was spending some time with my beloved Ambassador girls and watching 2 precious little ones asleep on the dirt floor. I felt the Holy Spirit urge me to leave that area and go to the other side of the building. When I got there I smelled something atrocious. After spending a minute searching for the odor, I realized it was radiating from a baby boy...the very one the Holy Spirit was leading my steps to. 

After looking him over to make sure there wasn't anything too grimy on him (honestly, I was checking to make sure poop wasn't going to get on me...that is a realistic thing to avoid there), I picked him up. I couldn't hold him normally because his belly was unusually huge. His shirt couldn't fit over it and his pants were falling down. His face was filthy and covered in what looked like scales. His tummy and back were laced in a white that isn't supposed to be there. His body was covered in sores from his head to his shoeless baby feet. 

[Even though he looks like he has baby fat, he isn't nutritionally healthy. A lot of time babies there will only eat pap, which has zero nutritional value. It will make you heavier, but it's not going to prevent malnutrition. His stomach being so huge can be due to HIV, parasites and worms or malnutrition.]

This baby broke my heart. Maybe it was the immense likelihood of him having HIV. Or the miserable look that never left his face. Or the fact that he couldn't fall asleep on me like he desperately wanted to because his big, bloated and rock hard belly was in the way and his head couldn't reach my chest. Or that as I was trying to cuddle him to sleep, as I rubbed his back, my fingers were going over sore after sole, bump after bump.  Or that when we put him on a tire to take photos of him he laid down and he looked like he was dead. Or that I never saw him smile. 

Jesus baby came to the care point alone. No Mother, brother or sister. He is no one's shadow. No one is delighted over him. 

Leaving him at that care point was really hard and humbling for me. I had to trust that leaving him there, with Jesus loving him, was more than I could ever give him. My selfish love is nothing compared to the love Jesus desires to pour over this baby boy. Jesus didn't put me in this boy's life to only hold him. I was used as a bridge for the love of Christ to pour into Jesus baby's heart.

We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us. So we also out to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters. If someone has enough money to live well and sees a brother or sister in need but shows no compassion- how can God's love be in that person?

Dear children, lets not merely day that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions. Our actions will show that we belong to the truth, so we will be confident when we stand before God. 

1 John 3:16-19

I am standing under a roof made of scrap metal next to a preschool. I am watching dozens and dozens and dozens and dozens of four, five, six year olds whiz by me. Laughter, screams, and Siswati is filling my ears.

Through all the giggles, screams, and words I can't understand, I hear a cry. It's not loud, but my ears can easily pick that sound out of a crowd. I start searching to find where that sound is coming from. There are little boys flying through the air on swings, little girlssquealing and running past me. Then I found her. She is standing next to a swing and she is crying. She is standing still not wishing to make a scene but crying because there is a hole in her head the size of a pen. There is so much blood pouring out of her head that it seems unreal. As I run to her everything is in slow motion. Flashing through my mind I can see Jesus running up to her, sweeping her up in his arms and LOVING her. Mid stride I realize where I am...Swaziland, Africa. The HIV/AIDS hot-spot of the world...a country where half of the children I come in contact with are HIV positive...the country where there are more orphans than there are children with parents. By the time I get to her, I have stopped running. Instead of sweeping her into my arms and loving her I stare at her not knowing what to do.

After this little girl gets all cleaned up I take her to the playground, which is just two tires sticking out of the dirt. I look into her eyes and she is dead inside. I try talking to her in English, in SIswati. Nothing. So I just hold her. Nurture her. Love her.

I ask Jesus how I should have reacted in that situation and I hear, "Love with no condition."And the tears start flowing. My tears are mixing with her blood and tears. Beauty. Brokenness.

So often I hear Jesus ask me, "What will you give up for them?" I don't know what this looks like, but I will answer this call. And I will lose my life in the process, whether it be figurative or literal.

I apologize if this seems completely jumbled. My heart is on fire and in pieces scattered across the mountains of Swaziland. It's not easy for me to get my point across when everything I thought I was is being broken for a nation.

And this was just Ministry Day #2. 

Four days ago I took a group of teenagers to go on house visits and we prayed for a family whose head of the house, the Father, died recently. He was buried on Saturday. We went into the house to find a woman with a blanket draped over her face and a single lit candle. As we left we looked into the eyes of four extremely young orphaned boys.

Three days ago I discussed with a student of mine that out of the 30 kids in front of us at this care point, only 3 of them would live to see their 30^th birthday.

Two days ago I examined a four year old's body to see if he was HIV Positive. As I checked his belly, he was innocently giggling like Pooh Bear.

Yesterday I was serving food at a care point and as I was scraping the bottom of the cauldron I nervously looked out at the growing line of children waiting for their only meal of the day. I had to look them in the eye and tell them there was no more sour porridge left for them to eat.

Today I was holding a little boy when I heard the all to familiar cough of tuberculosis. I said "TB," and he said, "yes."

Everyday a little part of me is dying.

Creation is Weird.

Have you ever looked around and noticed how weird Creation is? Clouds look like far away cotton candy- cotton ball hybrids. The tops of trees are a deep green that look prickly. The bottoms of trees are a flaky brown that look scratchy. Palm trees look like flexible green knives on top of tall, narrow, striped brown structure. Dirt looks like a dark colored powder, yet it is somehow solid. Water is clear, but it is blue. When waves crash, the water fizzes like you are inside a cup of soda. When there is a storm at sea, the water is foamy, like  you are standing inside a cup of cappuccino. Sand is soft, but sometimes it is so hot that you feel like you are walking on lava! You cannot see wind, but you can feel it and see it.

Creation Speaks.

When Heaven meets Earth...

I don't know what has shifted in my mind, but there is something about seeing the blue sky and the clouds meet the edges of trees and flowers that I can't shake. Something as beautiful and glorious as the heavens should not be seen next to prickly green trees... or sometimes dead and dying trees. I can't make any sense of it! The past month all I have really wanted to do was be outside and look at the sky. It is so beautiful- God's face is so beautiful.