Blog

Explore My News,
Thoughts & Inspiration

RSS Feed

I see London, I see France…


Jesus knows me so well. People say God knows us better than we know ourselves, and I can attest that this is true. Me coming on this trip is a testimony to that. Before God wrecked me for the rest of the world and for His Kingdom, I wanted nothing to do with other countries. I didn’t even want anything to do with Canada (ha ha)! I wanted to do so many things for my future career, but I think the latest thing I wanted to do before God called me to do missions was diagnostics for special needs children. But almost immediately after I fell in love with Jesus, I wanted what He wanted for me. I remember being at a revival church in Florida directly after leaving the Mission Camp, Student Life, where I gave everything I was, am, and am going to be to God, when he began revealing his plans to me. I thought it was crazy, and denied that it was God who wanted me to do missions. I didn’t want to go to a 3rd world country. I wanted to go to college, have a nice job, have money, and have more belongings than I could carry on my back and fit into a little plastic box. God is very persistent, though. The beginning of my Senior year I was asking God what He wanted me to do for the 2009-2010 school year, and he said Missions…again. This happened a few more times, until I realized that He was actually serious about wanting me to go to Africa!


As I began the process for finding a way to come to Africa, I was able to see that this was God’s will. By the way doors were flung open for me, how God started speaking to me so much more and revealing his heart to me, and what was going on in my heart it was undeniable. I hadn’t felt this kind of excitement ever before. All of a sudden I had compassion for the other nations. I would stay up late laying in bed weeping over people who didn’t know who Jesus was. I had a glimpse of God’s heart for the nations. We can only pray for more of this. If we are ever able to humble ourselves enough to get to see people this way, we will never be the same.

Fast forward about 2 years…

I am in South Africa, freezing my butt off. Africa actually does get cold, and it is really rough when you are used to +100 degree weather, and only have clothing appropriate for that sort of weather. I have had lice for almost a month, have had near constant diarrhea for almost 3 months, and have so many weird things going on with my body that one of the first things I am doing when I get released to my family is go to a doctor. I’ve been wearing the same outfit for a week without thinking anything of it. But I am more happy than I have been ever before. Jesus knows me so well.

I was hanging outside of the Khosa house at the orphanage. They have 9 kids, and 1 on the way. I was sitting on the brick wall, after trying to fix some of the toys that were donated here. I saw “Big” Fortunate laughing and waving her hand, expressing that something smelled bad. Immediately I stood up to see what she was trying to tell me. She pointed to France (his name is Nieff, but everyone calls him France, and it’s pronounced like Franz) and began laughing. I looked down at him, who was facing a different direction, and noticed something going on. His shorts, which sat way too low on his body, showed his butt crack. Coming up from his butt crack was poop. I don’t know how it was defying gravity, but it somehow managed, and was going up and out of his pants! After quieting the other children who were laughing and pointing at this 3 year old, I picked him up and brought him inside the house. I carried him like you see men carry babies in movies (with arms extended all the way out, holding the baby under his or her armpits) until we arrived in the bathroom. I saw Mama Khosa on the way inside, where she mumbled “France, France, France…” while shaking her head in disapproval.

France’s big brother, Boy, met me in the bathroom, where we cleaned him up. We took his shorts off, and tried washing them off with the shower attachment, which was really just a metal hose. We began to wash the poop off his body, but as we did this, France transformed. He wasn’t the same joyful child I knew and loved. He wasn’t the same France that would waddle-run after me yelling “AIY-YEE, AIY-YEE!!!” (That is how all the little ones pronounce my name), while throwing his arms up so I could pick him up and tickle his really weird looking belly button. He was overcome with fear and shame. He was crying, and looked scared out of his mind. I do not know what part of this was him being embarrassed for pooping his pants when he doesn’t wear diapers or underwear. There is a part of me that thinks the shame and fear comes from his past. We don’t know much about his past, but do know that he is a “House of Safety” kid. Being a “House of Safety” kid means that the police or social services took him out of his house and from his family. I’ve heard so many distressing stories about these kids. Their parents try to kill them, there is rape, other sexual abuse, physical abuse, border trafficking, and other unmentionable things. I don’t know what his story is, but I know that it has to be something completely messed up. I don’t think it is a coincidence that he transforms into a seemingly empty shell whenever he is naked.

Washing his scar and sore covered body was special. Comforting, and holding him and hugging and kissing him as he cried was beautiful. Helping to pull his shorts over his Winnie-The-Pooh sized malnourished, and stereotypical starving African child belly was something I will never forget.

This was one of the times I realize just how blessed I am to be in Africa doing what I am doing. I realized just how many things in me have changed that I would consider bathing a poop covered child a blessing. I love that Jesus brought me to Africa so that I can do things like this. I love that Jesus is stretching my heart to this capacity. I love that my heart is going to stretch even more as I continue to walk with Jesus all my life. I know that it seems like I couldn’t possibly have more love inside of me now. I know that this is just the beginning of the love that God is going to bless me with, to give to others. I know that this is just the beginning of seeing how God is Love. And I know that this is the beginning of seeing how God’s love never fails.

 

10 Comments

  1. My Sweet Cait, I didnt think your heart could grow anymore from the day you left Pa…..but I was wrong. I have readyour blogs over and over,from the 1st one way back in September until this one and being your father, I know what this experience has done to you. I can see it in every word your write to every facial expression that I see with your smiling face. God has definately given you the opportunity to see what other countries have and how they face God. The knowledge and understanding that you have experienced in the past 10 months is absolutly astonishing. I am not embarssed to say, I have grown spiritually with you being there. Spending the time reading and trying to imagine what you are experiencing has given me a wakeup call. We are counting the days and minutes until we see you. We love you and will see you in Sunny Orlando this Saturday.

    DAD

  2. Cait you just bless my heart. When I read your blogs I am so drawn to Jesus’s heart. I feel His presence and His smile in all of your words. Happy Mothers Day Cait! He has made you a mother to the motherless who are so close to the Lord’s heart. You have become a mother to Africa!

  3. You truly are beuatiful Cait inside and out! I love reading your blogs and I see Jesus’ love shining through you. Can’t wait to see you!

  4. Cait, Cait, Cait, my heart just breaks and swells everytime I read one of your blogs and see your beautiful face with a child. I’m hoping you are planning to bring home a suitecase filled with orphans!!! What are your departure dates so I can start posting them on our prayer lists so the congregation is praying for your safe arrival (if you do leave Africa). I think your WHOLE heart will be left behind there!!! What an incredible journey you have had!!! Praise the Lord, He reigns, Angie Bornholm

  9. HEY im in english class and im sitting with my friend, codey fears, and he says that is a really good picture of you. your profile one. yeah. and your reallyyyyyyyy pretty :DDDDDDDDDDD

  10. my comment right up there kind of sucked. i just re read this. and i definately almost cried. i cant even imagine how much you probably miss africa. you are such a great person cait. and like i cant even put it in to words. all i’m doing right now is saying the exact same thing as everyone else is up there. but what i’m trying to say is so much greater then that. and i wish i could find some way to explain how amazing you are but words just cant do it.

Comments are closed.