Ever since I was young, I've been the kind of person who doesn't care what people think of who i am, the things I do, how many friends I have, and will do close to anything to make people happy. And, looking back at it now when I'm 18 years old, I can see how and why God created me that way. He did that so I can feel comfortable with going "against the grain" and not going along with society's cookie cutter future: Graduate highschool, go to college, graduate college, get a job, get married, have 2.5 kids, become grandparents, then...that's it. For me, God has always had different plans. He designed me to not care what other people think of who I am and the things I do so I can comfortably evangelize His name and to go all over spreading the news of salvation. And He designed me to not care about how popular I am, or the friends I have, because I will be leaving them behind for a life in missions. If I weren't this way, I would have such a hard time and would be miserable in almost everything I do. He made me overly compassionate so that I would have that "drive" to spread God's love to everyone. It's so awesome to realize how God has already prepared for me it and I am so young!!!

 

Here is the confusing part: How God led me to missions. The past 2 years of highschool I had been considering, night and day, what to do with my life. At first I wanted to be a special-ed teacher, then History teacher, then it was something in mental disorder diagnostics, then nursing, then Elementary art teacher. None of these were something I could imagine myself doing for the rest of my life. Then I thought outside the box, for something new, something different. Then helping people in remote places of the world popped into my head, and it wouldn't go away. In the beginning, I considered the peace corps. I realized later that it wasn't for me because it is secular and I wouldn't be able to do it in the name of Christ. That was the biggest turn-off, so I moved on and started searching for a Misson organization. A good friend of mine went on a trip through AIM to the Dominican Republic last summer, and she reccomended them to me when I told her I felt led to Missions. After finding all the information, everything seemed to fit! I'm not the most confident person, so before applying I had some worries. I felt that I wasn't "good" enough to be going on this trip, like I didn't deserve it. But after prayer, and talking to some supportive friends, I realized that it doesn't matter about how I feel about the trip, it's what God feels about the trip. And he wouldn't be putting it on my heart for no reason.

 

There have been several signs, I think, that confirmed a future in missions. One occured to me when I was taking a spiritual gifts test with some people from my church. My dominant gift was evangelism. There are no other words than AWESOME to describe how I felt when I saw that!!! And the other signs were more discreet, but still mean a lot to me. They happened through worship songs, and I will show you guys what they said:

 

"To the desperate eyes and reaching hands, to the suffering and the lean, to the ones the world has cast aside. Where you want me I will be.  I will go, I will go, I will go, Lord send me.  To the world, to the lost, to the poor and hungry. Take everything I am. I'm clay within your hands. I will go, I will go, send me." -I will Go, by Starfield

 

"Despite the lies that you're making, your love is mine for the taking. My love is just waiting to turn your tears to roses.  I will be the one that's gonna hold you. I will be the one that you run to. My love is a burning, consuming fire. You'll never be alone. When darkness comes I'll light the night with stars. Hear the whispers in the dark." -Whispers in the dark, by Skillet

 

You're not alone. There's more to this I know. You can make it out. You will live to tell" -You're not alone, by Saosin

 

Words cannot explain what these specific lyric exerpts say to me. But I bet they will mean something to you too.