Ever since I was young, I’ve been the kind of person who doesn’t care what people think of who i am, the things I do, how many friends I have, and will do close to anything to make people happy. And, looking back at it now when I’m 18 years old, I can see how and why God created me that way. He did that so I can feel comfortable with going “against the grain” and not going along with society’s cookie cutter future: Graduate highschool, go to college, graduate college, get a job, get married, have 2.5 kids, become grandparents, then…that’s it. For me, God has always had different plans. He designed me to not care what other people think of who I am and the things I do so I can comfortably evangelize His name and to go all over spreading the news of salvation. And He designed me to not care about how popular I am, or the friends I have, because I will be leaving them behind for a life in missions. If I weren’t this way, I would have such a hard time and would be miserable in almost everything I do. He made me overly compassionate so that I would have that “drive” to spread God’s love to everyone. It’s so awesome to realize how God has already prepared for me it and I am so young!!!
Here is the confusing part: How God led me to missions. The past 2 years of highschool I had been considering, night and day, what to do with my life. At first I wanted to be a special-ed teacher, then History teacher, then it was something in mental disorder diagnostics, then nursing, then Elementary art teacher. None of these were something I could imagine myself doing for the rest of my life. Then I thought outside the box, for something new, something different. Then helping people in remote places of the world popped into my head, and it wouldn’t go away. In the beginning, I considered the peace corps. I realized later that it wasn’t for me because it is secular and I wouldn’t be able to do it in the name of Christ. That was the biggest turn-off, so I moved on and started searching for a Misson organization. A good friend of mine went on a trip through AIM to the Dominican Republic last summer, and she reccomended them to me when I told her I felt led to Missions. After finding all the information, everything seemed to fit! I’m not the most confident person, so before applying I had some worries. I felt that I wasn’t “good” enough to be going on this trip, like I didn’t deserve it. But after prayer, and talking to some supportive friends, I realized that it doesn’t matter about how I feel about the trip, it’s what God feels about the trip. And he wouldn’t be putting it on my heart for no reason.
There have been several signs, I think, that confirmed a future in missions. One occured to me when I was taking a spiritual gifts test with some people from my church. My dominant gift was evangelism. There are no other words than AWESOME to describe how I felt when I saw that!!! And the other signs were more discreet, but still mean a lot to me. They happened through worship songs, and I will show you guys what they said:
“To the desperate eyes and reaching hands, to the suffering and the lean, to the ones the world has cast aside. Where you want me I will be. I will go, I will go, I will go, Lord send me. To the world, to the lost, to the poor and hungry. Take everything I am. I’m clay within your hands. I will go, I will go, send me.” -I will Go, by Starfield
“Despite the lies that you’re making, your love is mine for the taking. My love is just waiting to turn your tears to roses. I will be the one that’s gonna hold you. I will be the one that you run to. My love is a burning, consuming fire. You’ll never be alone. When darkness comes I’ll light the night with stars. Hear the whispers in the dark.” -Whispers in the dark, by Skillet
You’re not alone. There’s more to this I know. You can make it out. You will live to tell” -You’re not alone, by Saosin
Words cannot explain what these specific lyric exerpts say to me. But I bet they will mean something to you too.
Cait, everyday you make me so proud. When I read things that you write from the “Heart”, my eyes start to tear. Ever since you made the decision to start your journey with God, you are at peace and confident. They say “Parents can learn from their childern”, well I am learning quite a lot.
Cait, you are amazing. God is going to do huge, awesome things through you! You have such a heart for his Word and sharing it with people who really need it. Thank you for what you are doing!
(= Cait i just think its so cool to see how God has shown you which way to go with your life. When you really started seeking what he wanted you to do with your life, he told you where you need to be and what you need to be doing. then he has and will continue to confirm that this trip is what he wants you to do! love you chica!
Cait, I know I say it every time I see you, but I mean it when I say Cait is great! I setup the account and now am looking forward to reading your blog. I think what you are doing is wonderful and amazing and I can’t wait to see and hear how God uses you to reach into the lives of those you meet, whether on this trip, or in school, or at work, or anywhere you go!
You Cait im in awe of how amazing you are it was really great to read about your life and how God has worked in it. Im glad to be in your life and will keep praying for you and your trip to south africa. Lov you
love you, and im so happy for you and i hope you change lives and make the world a better place. and i believe you will. ill miss you so much, but they need you out there so much more than i do. love you caaaait(: