This is going to sound weird, but I feel like it is Christmas right now. When I tried to explain this to my team, they didn’t really understand me. Then a couple of days ago, when one of my teammates was playing with the kids beside me said he finally understood what I meant.
I don’t think it feels like Christmas just because it is cold outside. (Believe it or not, this area of Africa gets cold. All the kids are wearing coats and hats. If you are sitting in your house, you can sometimes see your breath). I think it feels like Christmas because I’m finding awesome presents everywhere. And I don’t mean literal presents.
Presents like there being 5 new kids.
Like little Franz’s smile and him happy screaming as the kids chase him around the yard.
Like Joshua’s crazy facial expressions.
Like Welcome peeking into his diaper when I change him and making an “EWW” face and pretending to fan the smell.
Like Senzo wearing a new outfit and actually remembering my name.
Like Wilele acting like she is her age, 6, and not 16.
Like finding out that Nokawanda isn’t 12 years old and pregnant.
Like Bongani making friends with the other boys.
Like little Fortunate running to me and jumping into my arms and screaming “SISSY.”
Like Tandeka having an Afro and a crazy knitted scarf.
Like Syabonga not smelling like poop all the time.
Like having kids sitting out front of my kitchen window screaming “MANGOSA.”
Like using my sick Siswati skills.
Like seeing Mizwackhe do the “the water-sprinkler” at the front of the church when he sings with his deceivingly deep voice.
Like John saying “How is you?”
Like getting peed on by a different kid everyday.
Like a boy at the orphanage having the name “boy.”
Like flipping a kid upside down and then discovering that they aren’t wearing underwear and those stains on their pants aren’t dirt.
Like sitting in the bed of a truck with all the orphans singing “Hallelujah, Hosanna” while being surrounded by beautiful and majestic mountains.
I’m so happy that God came through for my team. I don’t know how much you have been keeping up with me, but back in January I felt like God wanted us to come back to this orphanage. But things happened and it didn’t work out for us to come back here. But God remained faithful to his word and brought us here. We didn’t have to manipulate or anything. Everything just fell into place. I’m so thankful!
I haven’t been this happy in a long time. I feel like I haven’t smiled the smile I have now since the last time I was here. There’s something about this place that awakens a sense of love, compassion, selflessness, and justice deep inside me. It’s like there is a part of me that is dead before coming here, and then being here brings it to life.
I don’t know how I am going to leave this place and know that I might never come back here again. I don’t know how I’m going to not wake up at 5:00 every morning to take care of babies that aren’t mine. I don’t know how I am going to be able to sit through a church service without getting up and dancing and laughing my head off. I don’t know how I can live without kids literally hanging off the bars of my bedroom window. I don’t know how I’m going to speak English without flipping through my different languages and cultures that I know of. I don’t know how I’m going to see a little kid and not pick her up. I don’t know how I’m going to see a little boy who is cold and not zip him up with me inside of my jacket. I don’t know how I’m not going to hold hands with everyone I meet. I don’t know how I’m going to hang out with friends who I can actually understand what they are saying. I don’t know how I can do America anymore.
I could go all day with this, but I won’t…today.
Cait, Christmas in April, now that is my little girl. Sounds like the orphanage is place you need to be. When you get back to America, God maybe directing you to your next journey. I have always told you that when you are around children, you have a special glow, but more importantly, seeing the joy you bring children is priceless.
I’m glad you’ve found a place of peace and life Cait! Don’t worry, keep this in mind: you haven’t become something different, nor have you forgotten who you used to be: you’ve learned to adapt and be what Paul says: all things to all people. When you come home, you’ll adapt – you’ll integrate and the new you and the old place will become something equally as beautiful (if not more). Glad you’re enjoying your last couple weeks! See you soon!
Wow Cait, that was so beautiful 🙂 🙂 🙂 ILY
Sounds like the Lord has “wrecked you for life” and poured His heart into yours. Perhaps He has revealed His calling for you.
God is faithful and will bring to completion the good work He has begun in your life.