thoughts in this blog are going to be very scattered. That is
partially because I am still sorting things out that the Lord has
been bringing me to, showing me, and speaking to me. My Father has
been teaching me a whole lot this past week, and although you might
not understand what I am saying, or necessarily agree with it, this
is where my heart is at. And hopefully your mind will be open enough
to receive it.
Last Friday I had a day of solitude. I
locked myself in the only room with air conditioning and came out of
the room maybe three times, only to use the restroom and get food. As
soon as I settled myself, I began to ask the Lord how He wanted me to
spend my day. And surprisingly, He didn’t want me to read my bible
all day, pray all day, or just lay down and receive truth from Him.
He wanted me to read a book. He wanted me to read Jesus Freaks. In
case you are not familiar with this book, it is a thick book all on
martyr’s stories. I read this book all in 2 days, and it gave me a
paradigm shift. I have also been reading Barbarian Way, which was
probably the best book I have read in years, and I am going to
discuss points from there as well. Now, let me go further into some
parts of those books, and some other pieces of scripture, that really
made me look at the way I view God and my life.
“If the safest place to be is in the
center of the will of God, then why is it that the biblical word for
witness is actually the word for martyr? If the safest place to be is
in the center of the will of God, then how do you explain the
experience of Paul? Paul walked with God, and certainly whatever the
will of God looks like, Paul had to have visited there at least a few
times in his life. His journals, however described not a life filled
with safety and certainty, but a life of adventure and danger.”
-The Barbarian Way
I have worked much harder, been in
prison more frequently, been flogged more severely, and been exposed
to to death again and again. Five times I received from the Jews the
forty lashes minus one. Three times I was beaten with rods, once I
was stoned, three times I was ship wrecked, I spent a night and a day
in the open sea, I have been constantly on the move. I have been in
danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my own
countrymen, in danger from Gentiles, in danger in the city, in danger
in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false brothers.
I have labored and toiled and have often gone without sleep. I have
known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food. I have been
cold and naked. -1 Corinthians 11:23-27
If a lot of us were in Paul’s shoes,
and had all the things he listed above, or even some of them, happen
to us we would wonder why on Earth God is doing this to us and what
we did wrong. But a lot of times we forget that our will isn’t always
God’s will. That isn’t to say that God wants everyone to be in prison
and be flogged and terrible things like that, but it is a
possibility. Maybe God’s plans for you are to go to all corners of
the Earth preaching Faith, Hope, and Love. Who knows, certainly I
don’t. But me, personally, and people I know, get frustrated when
things you think God wants you to do include suffering. God wants
you to witness to people about His Son, and sometimes when you do
that, you get in trouble, lose a friend, get made fun of, or
sometimes worse. And that is hard to take. We are so wired to think
that God wants what is comfortable for us, and that is far from the
truth.
said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you truly love me more
than these?”
that I love you.”
do you truly love me?
that I love you.”
son of John, do you love me?”
the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all
things; you know that I love you.”
you the truth, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went
where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your
hands, and someone else will dress you, and lead you where you do not
want to go.” Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which
Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, “Follow me!”
whom Jesus loved was following them. When Peter saw him, he asked,
“Lord, what about him”
remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow
me.”
-John 21:15-22
Jesus asked Peter 3 times if he really
loved Him,when it was only necessary to ask once. He asked those 3
times because of the future Peter would face. In the end, Peter was
martyred. It was hard for Peter to hear that he was going to be
“lead where you don’t want to go.” Peter turned from Jesus and
saw the other disciple with him and asked, “what about him?” God
has different plans for all of us. Some people are going to have a
lot of suffering in their lives, will die for their faith, or will
lead a life without persecution or without suffering. We sometimes
forget about the bad parts of following Jesus.
To live is Christ and to die is gain.
-Philippians 1:21
Why do we consider things that come
along with following Jesus bad, then? Maybe they make things
uncomfortable and there is suffering involved, but isn’t the Cause
far greater than the suffering? Losing a friend, compared to
glorifying your Maker. Dying, while proclaiming God’s Name.
When Christ calls a man, he bids him,
“Come and die.”
I mentioned this quote in a blog from
Mexico, but it still stands true. It stands true literally in some
cases, but it also stands true when it comes to the way we live our
lives. To follow Christ, we need to die to ourselves daily. To have a
relationship with Jesus involves some sort of death, and it’s not up
to you to decide if it will be literally or not.
“Our mission may not involve hanging
on a cross, being jailed, or being burnt at the stake here in
America, but we have other, more invisible obstacles. Ours is a
society built by pride, materialism, and dedication to the status
quo. In a world built on free will, instead of God’s will, me must be
the freaks. While we may not be called to martyr our lives, we must
martyr our way of life. We must put our selfish ways to death and
march to a different beat. Then the world will see Jesus.” -Michael
Tait
Some Christians haven’t even attempted
to think about whether or not they would die for Jesus because they
haven’t really been living for Him. -DC Talk
would give up for Jesus? I did once, and it really shocked me. A few
months ago I asked myself that question and I realized that I would
more easily lay my life down than get rid of everything I own, which
isn’t very much anymore! This was shocking to me, and devastating!
Why is it so hard for me to give away everything I own to follow
Jesus, even though when I die I won’t be bringing anything with me? I
am working on this right now, and am getting way better with this.
Materials don’t mean nearly as much to me and I find joy in serving
people by giving away things that I thought meant so much to me. I’ve
given away so much stuff, and I have barely any clothes anymore. I
would rather give things away than have things of my own. I have come
such a long way and the Lord has been faithful to my humanness and
difficulty with giving things up for Him. It is a hard thing to think
about, whether or not you are willing to die for your faith. Been
there, am still doing that. But you need to ask yourself this
question:
His life up for you?
Cait, these words you write come from your heart and soul. Before you left for Africa, I thought you were not a materialistic person, now reading this proves my point. You continue to give your love and committment to everyone that you come in contact with. Your love for the people and children that you meet everyday paves the road for your future. We love you!!!
Dad
I love your “scattered” thoughts. 🙂 (They actually seemed quite orderly!) And I love that you’re reading The Barbarian Way. Isn’t it fantastic? It makes you so uncomfortable! Mark Batterson once said, “The Holy Spirit is our Counselor in that He comforts those who are afflicted; but like a any good counselor, He also afflicts the comfortable.” I read that and think of our trip to Moz with Tracy and I’m challenged all over again to do great things for God’s glory. May you find creative ways to do the same.
i love you:)
Awesome. I’ve been hearing a lot lately about how “the safest place is in the center of God’s will…which may not be the safest place.” It’s sobering for sure.