Caitlyn Evangelista - He must become Greater, I must become less

It's been a month...

Mon, 15 Mar 2010 00:00:00 GMT

It has been a month since my last blog post. I am so sorry for not blogging sooner. My reasoning for this is because nothing "blog worthy" enough has really come up. Yes, there have been some amazing things that have happened, but nothing that, in my opinion, would take up a whole blog. So this blog is going to be a random and scattered blog of things that have been going on, will be going on, and what is going on in my heart.

On our way up to Vilcanculos, and leading up to it, some amazing and prophetic things happened. We waited around all day for the bus to arrive to take my team and I up to Mozambique. It was sunny all day as we waited, and as soon as the bus arrived to take us away, it began to rain. As we picked up our packs and started to walk down to the bus, someone called out, "Is this rain prophetic?" I think it was prophetic, or at least that is what God was showing me then. That rain shower meant that Vilanculos was going to be good. It was going to be refreshing, and new. It was encouraging. But as we got further on in our journey, it began to storm. It stormed all night and most of the next day. The roads were so muddy that it was hard to even manouever the van. As I sat in the van while everyone else around me was asleep I realized that this rain storm wasn't just a storm. It meant something else. God was using this storm to symbolize that we are going to encounter storms, as obvious as it seems, in Mozambique. Although our time spent here is going to be new and good, it will be challenging and we will most definitely encounter storms. And I have seen that come to play.

Our first week in Vilanculos all the members of my team were attacked in one way or another by the enemy. There were all sorts of things that were happening. We were all feeling insecurity, jealousy, shame, anger, and other emotions and feelings that are not courtesy of God. We were sick all the time. I know how a lot of my team mate's attacks went, but I know more detail about mine. Some examples of how I was being attacked was by wanting to go home. I woke up one morning weeping uncontrollably because I wanted to go home. Satan had put this idea in my head that God couldn't use me in Mozambique, and that I would be doing better things in America. That was the biggest attack, because it went on for several days, I would wake up in the morning crying. I had some sort of weird physical attack as well. It seems that Satan usually attacks me through telling me lies, and if my "lie filter" isn't turned all the way up, then they pass through and I think of them as truth. Eventually, I was able to see which thoughts I was feeling were courtesy of the enemy, and disregard them. When that happened, I was attacked physically. It started out as an ear ache, then it grew to my whole ear throbbing intensely, then to my mouth hurting, then to my neck hurting, then to me not being able to open my mouth because of the pain, then half my face swelled up from the pain. This was all an attack. Right around this attack, our hosts had arranged a Women's conference. I was so passionate about speaking to the women about how God views them. But that morning I was planned to preach about that, I got even sicker. I was afraid to leave the bathroom because I felt like I was going to vomit and I was in so much pain. I couldn't go and speak. But, thanks to God's perfect provision and protection, I became well again that day and somehow the sessions for the conference were arranged so that I could give the lesson that God had given me for those ladies!!!

Community with my team has been getting so much better. We have been investing more and more time with each other. We have been falling into love with each other. We have been extending grace to each other like what God calls us to do. Sometimes I would rather just sit and talk about nothing with my team than do ministry. Going to the orphanage in Temane helped us out as a team. The conditions were less than ideal, mostly regarding the bathrooms. I am not sure how many of you follow my facebook statuses... if you don't, I can fill you in here. In the long drop holes, there were large amounts of flies. Everytime we would go to the bathroom we would get attacked by flies. By the middle of our time there, we were praying for eachother's butts as they headed toward the bathroom. We prayed for protection from flies. Thankfully, we didn't lay hands on eachother's butts (hahahhaa). Walls have been broken down. Things have come out that we didn't even know about each other. God has been totally and completely present with our team building. Thank the Lord.

And here is when it starts to get scattered...

I have less than 50 days left in Mozambique. It is so hard to believe that the end of this trip is almost here. I've been thinking about a lot of things. I miss home so much, but I don't want to leave Africa. There is a part of me that is bitter about being in Mozambique and not South Africa, then another part of me that is upset I am having those feelings. I am realizing that there were things that I wanted to overcome before I came back to America. Areas that I wanted to grow in before coming home. I want to have a more stable prayer life, accept that God finds me beautiful, not find my value in other people's view of me, and other things like that. I have grown in my confidence, but it is not where I would like it to be because I know that God wants me to be so confident in His authority. Thinking back to where I was before starting this trip, I imagine I have changed a lot...but I have no idea because I feel like the same person. I think you all are going to have to answer that one for me, because to myself I feel like the same old Cait.

I never thought I would miss America, and I hadn't missed America until coming to Mozambique. Maybe it's because I am sleeping in a tent and my contact's house is made out of reeds. Yes, I miss some of the more simple things about America. I miss carpet, real chairs, towels, mirrors, refrigerators that are always on, milk that doesn't taste like cheese, and turning on light switches on the wall instead of turning on my headlamp on my forehead. Or maybe it is because I honestly have trouble believing that God is going to use me for ministry here. God has shown me that what primarily is going to happen with me here is that He is going to minister to my heart. And I am so excited for that, I can't even give it justice. I feel like I should be doing something more for the Kingdom, than soaking up words from God to me. I never imagined how difficult it would be to be away from Welcome. One of my teammate's was on the phone with his caretaker the other night, and they said, "Tell Cait Welcome says HI!" Even though I know this didn't actually happen, it caused my heart to jump and long him. I long to cuddle with him, and help teach him to walk, and to laugh at how funny he is when he eats, and to give him his medicine, and to put him to bed.

Okay, so this blog is getting to a major rambling state. I don't expect you to gain anything from this blog. I suppose the main purpose of this blog is for all of you to know where I am at right now. I need prayer. I feel discouraged. Discouragement is what is really hitting me hard. I feel discouraged with where God has me. That sounds so bad! I feel like God can't use women as much as he uses men here in Vilanculos. The congregation at the church we attend is fairly large for an African church. Out of that whole congregation, you will be lucky to find 3 women, or 3 little girls. The women here are not treated equally. The women have to stay at home and cook while their husbands and male children go to church. The women are not educated. There has to be something here that God can use me for, and I am having trouble finding it. I know that I have found my groove in other ministries in Mozambique, but this area of Mozambique is so different.

I am going to end this blog before I bring and of you into a state of confusion. So this is what is going on with me, in summarized form. The good things are that I am learning confidence, reading my bible like crazy and falling in love with God's word, being constantly intimatley ministered to by God, and am gaining ground when it comes to spiritual warfare. Some negative things I am feeling is discouragement, homesickness, and feeling stuck. There other emotions there that I can't put into words, but I hope you can pick up on them. Please be praying for me for the things I have exposed you to in this blog. And please be praying for my team as we seek God in how He wants to use us in Vilanculos.

Please, be praying for us. That's my only request from you. Prayer is the only way.

Surprise! Surprise! I'm moving to Mozambique!

Fri, 19 Feb 2010 00:00:00 GMT

One day in Guija, Mozambique I was sitting in a broken chair hoping it wouldn't collapse on me under the only bit of shade on the property. Out of no where I thought of asking the Lord what bit of scripture He thought I needed to hear right now. What he gave me didn't make sense at the time, but certainly does right now. He gave me this passage from Hebrews:

Moses was faithful as a servant in all God's house, testifying to what would be said in the future. But Christ is faithful as a son over God's house. And we are his house, if we hold on to our courage and the hope of which we boast.

- Hebrews 3:5-6

Later that night I was worshiping God under the ridiculously bright star lit sky when I felt God calling me to sing a different song. This song was "Faithful to the end." Here's a little excerpt from it:

He will come riding on the clouds with justice in his heart and a sword upon his side. And all will see the glory of this man. With fire in his eyes, He's jealous for His bride. He's faithful to the end. He's faithful to my heart. He's faithful to the end. He will come and marry me.

I really could not piece together what all these "God is faithful" things meant. Well, I obviously knew they meant that God is faithful, but why is God repeatedly showing me that He is faithful?

Since December when I first went to the orphanage, I've been trying to find what this one song is that I heard on the car ride up. One part of the song would play through my head and over and over, but I never knew where it came from. I would be singing, "You make all things work together for my good." Just last week after hours of looking through my I-pod, searching the internet, and asking people, I found the song!!! I do not think it is a coincidence that God let me find this song now, when I needed to hear it most. Here is an excerpt from it that I've been meditating on the past two weeks:

You stay the same through the ages. Your love never changes. There may be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning. And when the oceans rage I don't have to be afraid because I know that You love me. Your love never fails. You make all things work together for my good.

On our first day of debrief, I put all the pieces together and realized what God was lovingly preparing my heart for. During our first meeting with Jimmy, Kelly, and Becks, we found out that my team and I are leaving South Africa and moving! When I heard this, I kinda freaked out. I love South Africa, and doesn't God want me to be here? I was recently looking through things that I wrote previously about how obvious it was that God wanted me to be in South Africa, and now I am moving? My heart rate was abnormally fast for the next hour. I didn't have a normal heart beat for a long time.

Why was this making me so nervous? Why was I freaking out so badly? When I calmed down and got past the almost hysterical, "I'm...leaving...South...Africa...?!" stage, I was able to see God in this. I could think back to God showing me his faithfulness and was immediately at ease, and excited!!!

I'm going to be honest here. For all the people on my team, including myself, going on this trip has taken a tremendous amount of faith. That seems like it would be an obvious thing, but let me explain why. Not one person on my team originally wanted to go to South Africa. We all wanted to go to Swaziland, or Ireland. So finding that out that we were going to South Africa instead of Swazi was difficult, but turned out to be exactly perfect for us all! In the beginning of training camp and at the beginning of our time in Mexico, we realized just how different our team was. We were the smallest team out of all the teams, and we didn't click without much effort on each person's part. We were so different from each other. Some of us, however, had difficulty in trusting that all 5 of us were put together for a reason, and that that reason was not because we were "leftover" Novas students who didn't fit on any of the other outreach locations. All five of us being together on a team didn't make much sense to us at that time. If we all went to the same high school, the five of us would more than likely not be in the same group of friends. We are still working on our team dynamics, but I am happy to say that we have overcome all of which I just mentioned. Something that I lived by in the beginning when I had doubts about my team and going to South Africa was found in Romans:

We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose.
-Romans 8:28

Sometimes these things that God plans for us aren't always the easiest, they are not what we would plan for ourselves. They include a lot of sacrifice and trust. It took all the faith I had to trust God that He would use me in South Africa, when I had wanted to go to Swaziland. When my team and I got to South Africa it was an even greater step of faith because the ministry we were going to be doing there was not at all what we had been expecting. All of the ministry was great, and so were the people, but it was just a shock because it is not what I was expecting. I can see now how it was in God's plans for us to come to South Africa, but in the beginning I couldn't see it. It was so easy, I'm ashamed to say, to think that God made a mistake in where he sent us. Either that, or His plans for us weren't as good as he says they are.

During debrief, we received a lot of prophesies. And don't worry, prophesies are totally okay and not scary, it's just receiving words from God for someone or a group of people. A girl on the Swazi team got this for my whole team:

The righteous will flourish like a palm tree, they will grow like a cedar of Lebanon; planted in the house of the Lord, they will flourish in the courts of our God. They will still bear fruit in old age, they will stay fresh and green, proclaiming, "The Lord is upright; he is my Rock, and there is no wickedness in him."
-Psalm 92:12-15

That end part is what really got me. "There is no wickedness in Him." How true is that, but how far is that from how I was feeling? God didn't send us here so we could fail. He has plans for us that are good, and not evil, plans to prosper us and not to harm us. What was the hardest for me is that I wasn't seeing my team or I prospering as much as I had been hoping for. We weren't prospering, and it was partially our fault, and the other fault doesn't exist, because there is no way it could be avoided. God had planned for us to go to Mozambique and prosper there more than we could have ever imagined. During our period in South Africa we felt stuck was just a dry season, but we are about to be hydrated by God's perfect grace, faithfulness, and love.

When some of my team members and I got home from taking a trip into Swaziland yesterday, we were greeted by Myles who said he got a call telling us what the deal was with where we were going. We had expected to go to Zimbabwe, but Mozambique and Malowi were choices as well. Zimbabwe fell through, but the contacts in Mozambique replied the day that they were emailed about us coming to serve with them. All of us instantly knew that Mozambique was where the Lord wanted us. For me, I didn't see Zimbabwe in my future. I didn't feel like that's where God wanted us, or that it would work out. I was hoping for Mozambique because I know how challenging that country is, and I have come to love the people and have such a compassion for them. There is so much spiritual warfare there, and finally we are attuned to it, but that is what makes it most difficult. 60% of people in Mozambique are part of witchcraft groups. And in the bush, that percentage is significantly higher.

While in Mexico the Lord presented to me that some sort of ministry in Mozambique lies in my future, and I believe this is it. I have spent more time in Mozambique it seems than I have spent in South Africa. My passport is more than half full of Mozambican visas and will almost be full of them by the time I leave Africa. I don't know how to explain properly how I feel about Mozambique. Hopefully you all can see where my heart is by reading my blogs.

The most interesting, yet challenging, part of going to Mozambique is that we received less than 20 hours notice that we would be leaving. That means we have to buy 3 months of food, buy tents, pack our lives up, talk to family and friends on skype for potentially the last time before coming back to America, and try to finish resting up from our last trip to Mozambique and debrief. We had the choice to leave today, or to leave in a couple hours. If we chose to leave today, we would have one reliable driver the whole 15ish hour drive to central Mozambique. If we chose to leave a couple days later, it would take well over a day, we would potentially get robbed by being in koombies over night, and would have to switch koombies dozens of times. It seemed a lot easier to leave a couple days from now, because we could do all the things we wanted to do, but that's not what is happening.

At first I was feeling like I wanted to wait a couple days to go because I had people I wanted to say goodbye to. But that changed when we started to worship. God revealed his plans for my team to me. God told Jenny that He told me what He wants us to do. I was sitting there and just being silent, when God's plans became my plans. There really is no other way for me to describe it. Some of what was going through my head was:

This is what we have been waiting for! We have been waiting for God to make it clear where He wants us to go and for the right doors to open. All the doors have been opened! They not only opened, they were swung open!!! Us leaving almost immediately after finding out is such an act of worship. We are swallowing our desires of this world. We are tired, we don't have everything that we need to comfortably live in the bush for 3 months, we haven't said goodbye to anyone. But despite those things, God is still calling us to do this. We are dying to ourselves by leaving everything we've come to know and love in Africa to move to some bush town in Mozambique with an Africaans man that I would swear has the name of Yakkus and more than likely wears those disturbing African booty shorts!

If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. -Mark 8:34

We say we want to be Jesus. We say we want to be His disciples. Isn't this what Jesus would do? Isn't this what His disciples did? Jesus would get up and go wherever his Father wanted Him to go. His disciples would follow Him wherever he went. This is like that. Jesus is leading us to Mozambique, and we are following him there. We aren't going to say to Jesus, "Can you hold on a little bit? There are a couple things I wanted to do before I follow you." We are going to say, "Yes, Jesus! I will follow you wherever you lead me." That is what He wants from us. He wants us to trust Him with our lives. He wants us to follow Him at any cost, no matter what. Sometimes it is easy to follow Jesus, and sometimes it's hard, and sometimes there is something you really wanted to do before following Him. That is part of dying to yourself. All of us as Children of God need to work on this. Dying to ourselves isn't fun...that's why it's considered dying. You can only do this with strength that God gives you. We need to acknowledge that we really can't do anything without God. It is by grace alone that we can do what we do. There have been seasons in my life where there is no way I could have gotten through life if Jesus hadn't been carrying me the whole way, and I have a feeling that Mozambique will be the same way. It is such a humbling experience, and an even more amazing act of love of our King for us.

I pray that this sparked some sort of flame in your heart to die to yourself for someone who literally died for you. It's so much more than that, and I can only pray that you can see the truth in this.

A teacher of the Law came to Jesus and said, "Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go."

Jesus replied, "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head."

Another disciple said to him, "Lord, first let me go and bury my father."

But Jesus told him, "Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead."

-Matthew 8:19-22

P.S. I just got word that the Iris Ministries staff from Mbonisweni is coming to the house I am staying at for a meeting. Saying goodbye to these people was a reason that some people wanted to stay in South Africa for a couple more days. We had come to love these people, and we have spent lots of time with them. This is another act of God's faithfulness, and another window opening! God is rewarding our faithfulness by bringing the people we wanted so badly to say goodbye to to us! God is so good to us!

Shattered To Pieces

Tue, 16 Feb 2010 00:00:00 GMT

"Get wrecked. It's going to be the
best thing that ever happened to you."

That, and other variations of that, have been spoken over me ever since training camp in Gainesville, Georgia. To be honest, I never really knew what it meant. Get wrecked...like stop living like ignorant Americans? Don't bathe as much? Hold babies? I really had no idea, and in my time spent in Guija, Mozambique I learned what that term, "get wrecked," really means.

A while back I was talking to a friend back home about some of the terrible and difficult things I've seen in Mexico, South Africa, Swaziland, and Mozambique. When I told my friend these things, she got so upset. It hurt her heart that these things are going on in the world. Something really hit me at that moment, when she was upset about these things that are happening. When I see these things, I wasn't getting upset. I saw them as normal. As reality. As just how it is, and how it always will be. This terrified me.

What is wrong with me that these things would not bring out a holy rage in me? The night all of my Novas team members and I left Mexico for Nicaragua, Uganda, Swaziland, South Africa, our director Tag gave us this letter. How I am feeling, or was feeling, brings me back to parts of this letter:

"'There is a lot wrong in the world, why don't you do something about it?' God has given us gifts to accomplish this task. The most important gift we suppress most of the time, but it is the gift we must use at every stage of our life. Anger. Anger at injustice."

For my trip from September to up about now, I was not angry at injustice. I had settled. And just thinking about it disgusts me. Me settling for the brokenness of this world disgusts me.

I realized something was wrong. I realized my heart was not where it should be. I shouldn't be okay with the things I see. I should have anger at this injustice.

The first night we were in Guija, Mozambique we were talking to our contact about some of his life story. He is South African, and was in the army. Before he met Christ, he was racist. But since he has come to know Christ's heart, he has been purified from this racism and can see people the way that God sees them.

That really motivated me. I'm not saying I am racist, because I am not. It made me put into perspective that the problem was with my heart. I was not seeing God's people the way that He sees them. That is why I was not having this anger at the injustice of the world. When I made this realization, I began praying that God would let me see His people the way He sees them. Within a couple days, he answered this prayer. Everything changed.

It started when I would see no healthy children, only children that had big pot bellies and orange hair (signs of malnourishment). Then I would see the food that a lot of them eat: leaves, grasshoppers, and corn meal (which has no nutritional value). The food that the people eat there doesn't nourish their bodies. If someone actually made an income, which is rare, it would be the equivalent to $1.50 US dollars for a week of work. And these people worked so hard. They are up at the crack of dawn (4 am) and are still working out in the fields farming as it becomes dark. How can this be solved? More people buying these family's vegetables? That is a problem, because no one can afford to buy food. The economy is an endless cycle of people trying to sell things, not being able to sell them, making no money, and therefore not being able to buy other things or food from other people. Something needs to change.

As my team, our contact, and our translators walked through the community to do house visits, we could smell people brewing alcohol in their cauldrons over the fire from the streets. The smell was so strong, even though we were yards and yards away from it. As if being able to tell how bad alcoholism is in this community just with our noses, we found out some depressing information. Most of the men here go into South Africa for the year to make money for their families, since there is no work in Mozambique, and come home around Christmas and bring home their earnings. What happens sometimes is that the husband and the wife drink all of that money away that the husband made for the past year. All the money will be gone in a week. Whenever Tenny would receive donations of food, he would go out and give them to the more poor families in the community. He would find out later that they sold that food for alcohol. These people that he gave the food to ate maybe once a a week, and they sold that desperately needed food for alcohol.

My heart started to fall into even more pieces when we spent around a half hour visiting the local clinic. Almost every patient was there because of malnutrition. Men, women, babies. There were 3 older women that I got to pray for with Claire and Jenny, but then when we walked out of the women's ward, we sort of split up. We were heading towards the baby ward, but we didn't even need to walk into that ward, because it was overflowing. There were several mothers and their little babies just waiting to be admitted into the ward. I don't have any idea how to explain this sight to you. These were infants, but they didn't look like it. I couldn't fathom how they could possibly be as skinny as they were. Even if you used your imagination to see what these babies look like, you would be wrong because they are far more unhealthy than any human brain can visualize.

There was one baby that just tore me apart. We saw him on his mother's back as she walked into the clinic. Tenny pointed his hair out to us, to show that you can see malnourishment through hair color. I managed to find him in the baby ward because he stands out from all the other babies there. This baby was African, but his skin was yellow and his hair was orange. He did not have jaundice. This baby's story is that his mother is mentally challenged and doesn't feed him. Whenever someone gives her food for the baby, she eats all the food and gives nothing to her child. That is why this baby is so sick. When I looked at him, he really didn't look human. In addition to the yellow skin and orange hair, his body was also disfigured. His head was disproportionately large compared to the rest of his body, and you could see bulging blood vessels through the thin layer of skin over his skull as he screamed in pain. His limbs didn't look like they could be arms or legs because they were too frail. Even if he didn't have any baby fat on his bones, there was still no way that they could be so thin and frail. His body had been deprived of the nutrients needed for his bones to grow...and because of that, his bones didn't grow. They were as thin as they were when he was a newborn. As I prayed for this baby, it was something new. Sometimes when I pray for someone I feel like my prayer isn't going anywhere. Like the person I am praying for isn't receiving it, or that is bouncing against a brick wall and not going up to God. But this time was not one of those instances. As I prayed for this child, I didn't close my eyes, I stared into his undeveloped iris's. Staring into these eyes was like being lost in the heart of God. While I prayed for him, I could see how God felt about what was happening here in Guija, but specifically for this child. I felt like I was at the throne of God in heaven talking to God about this baby boy's life. If that's where I was spiritually, I don't know what was actually coming out of my mouth on Earth. Maybe it was English, or Shon-gon, or tongues...I have no idea, because I was lost in the heart of God.

The next day was when I completely broke. We were visiting mud huts that orphans living there. There was one group of huts that did something different than all the other places we had seen. The owners of the huts support HIV/AIDS positive women in the community who have children. This family gives these women and their children shelter and food, until the mother has built up enough strength to go home. A place that does that is really helpful, because there are so many HIV/AIDS victims in Guija. If this family wasn't supporting them, the mothers and their children would starve to death because the mother's don't have the energy to go into the fields for 16 hours a day and get food for themselves and their children.

Most of the people living in that community were out in the fields, so we only met one of the mothers. She was AIDS positive and she had 2 babies; one newborn, and one between the ages of 1 and 2 years old. Her older baby boy had full blown AIDS and was in unbearable pain. His skin had a tint of yellow, and he had orange hair, which means he is malnourished. What bits of skin were showing were covered in sores and scabs. There were so many scabs on his face that he was being attacked by the flies as he cried. There were flies going into his mouth as he cried out.

Since this mother has AIDS, she isn't allowed to breast feed. That is how most of the women pass the HIV/AIDS onto their children. I stood up off the grass mat and as I did this, the mother started to breast feed her newborn child.

As I saw this happen, I wasn't sure how to react. Actually, I'm still not sure how to react. How should a person react when you see the possible pass of HIV/AIDS between a mother and her child? The newborn might not have received the virus this time, but if she continues to breast feed him he will get the HIV from her. For the rest of the day I had to use all the will power and strength in me to not fall on the ground and weep for these children.

After I had gained composure from that incident, I was able to think through it clearly. I realized the hopelessness that these women face. Because of the powdered milk boycott in Mozambique in the 1990's (A really unfortunate story. I have a lot of information about it, I just can't post it because of the Mozambican government), HIV/AIDS positive women have limited options for feeding their children. It is a deadly cycle. If you have AIDS, you can't breastfeed your babies. When you have AIDS you more than likely will not have the energy to work the long hours in the fields farming. Because you can't farm and sell the food, or even eat the food you farm, you won't have food to feed your baby. Powdered milk is the most ideal option to feed babies who can't be breast fed, but since it is illegal and ridiculously expensive, it is not an option. The mother is then faced with 2 very difficult and deadly decisions; the 1^st option is to breast feed the child even though it is illegal, and pass HIV/AIDS on to your child, and the 2^nd option is to follow the law and not breast feed your child. Because of this, the child won't get AIDS, at least from the mother, but the child is guaranteed to be malnourished. And because of the AIDS, there isn't much food coming in, so there would be no food for the child to eat to survive.

There is no way for these women to win. If God doesn't step in miraculously to these women's lives, their babies will die. Guija, Mozambique is desperate for our Heavenly Father. Without Him, hundreds or thousands of babies, children, and adults will die from HIV/AIDS and malnourishment. Please keep this city in your heart, and your prayers!!! They desperately need the Kingdom. Now.

"There is a lot wrong in the world,
why don't you do something about it?"

Invisible Children

Fri, 12 Feb 2010 00:00:00 GMT

My beautiful team and I had just finished reading a chapter of Crazy Love, by Francis Chan. We were sitting underneath a tarp, the only shade that we had on our property in Guija, Mozambique. I started to feel restless, so I got up and went and grabbed a bucket and headed to the water well to wash my feet...they badly needed it. Their was a Momma already there with her younger daughter. They had quite a few water containers that they were filling with water, so I stood in line behind them to fill my bucket. Eventually she finished filling her water jugs and had them loaded in her little wheel barrel to bring back to her hut. Her daughter stayed behind at the well with me.

I pumped my bucket to the rim and sat on the outside of the well. I started splashing water on my feet to try to get some of the dirt to come off. It was unsuccessful. As I finished washing my last foot, I felt God whispering to me to wash this young girl's feet. If you know me well, you know that I don't like feet. It is norm #9 (a rule that my team has to follow) that there is no feet allowed near Cait. But I reluctantly asked her if I could wash her feet. She didn't understand what I said. Then I said it with hand motions, more confidently. Eventually the English to Shon-gon language barrier was broken, and she understood what I meant.

She shyly shook off her plastic shoe and let me touch her feet and wash them. I had the privilege of washing this precious child's feet. It was a little awkward for various reasons, but I was determined to make the best out of it, and let her see Jesus through it. Seeing her shyly smile and wonder why in the world this white girl is in her community, let alone on her knees in a muddy well washing her feet, was life shifting. I can only hope that she didn't see this act as foolish, but as an act of showing God's never failing love and forgiveness.

"Preach the Gospel always, if necessary use words." -St. Francis of Assisi

After both of her feet were as squeaky clean as could be, I wasn't sure what God wanted me to do from there. She then began to look at my watch and press all the buttons...which is guaranteed to happen with any child under 16 in Africa. And then she looked at my wrist on my other hand at looked at my bracelets. She saw one bracelet that she thought she was pretty and motioned for me to take it off. I put it on her wrist to see how it looked on her, and she was absolutely beaming.

Give to everyone who asks you,
and if anyone takes what belongs to you,
do not demand it back. -Luke 6:30

This verse was flashing through my head throughout the whole bracelet ordeal, and I was feeling pleased with myself for following what Jesus commands us all to do. Then she started to look at my remaining bracelets, thinking they were pretty. I tried to hide my hand because I didn't want to give away another bracelet. I was okay with giving away one bracelet, but giving away more than that was just too much.

Later that night I was flipping through my bible looking for the verse that was flashing through my mind (Luke 6:30) earlier in the day. When I found it, my heart dropped. The verse previous to it, verse 29, says, "If someone takes your cloak, do not stop them from taking your tunic." What a hypocrite I am!!! All I can do with this is ask for forgiveness, and then ask the Lord to change my heart. That I would want to give not only my tunic, but my cloak...and be willing to throw in the shirt off my back too.

When I reflected on this later on during the week, I saw symbolism. The bracelet this girl chose was an Invisible Children bracelet, given to me by my friend Kyle who is now in Kenya. Invisible Children is based in Uganda. But, anyway, the symbolism is in the bracelet she chose. I can see how the children in Guija, and in a lot of parts of Mozambique, are invisible.

No matter where you go, you are going to see more than half the women in your eye sight with a baby tied on their back by kapalana, a piece of fabric. A lot of the time the baby is hanging on for dear life because the Mother is all over the place and the fabric isn't doing much support. The Mother doesn't see the baby on her back, and therefore can't nurture him or her. This child is invisible.

The Mothers often send their young babies out to play with their other children. So it is not common to see a 5 year old with a 3 month old baby tied on their back. Both children are invisible in a sense. Children in Sub-Sahara Africa are not like children in America, or any other part of the world for that matter. They are miniature adults. Our host hired a couple ladies to help with the field he had on his property, and one of the ladies had a daughter who was one and a half years old. When we weren't holding her, she was out in the field helping her Mom carry the dead grass away and other things. It's reality here. And it needs to see God's Kingdom come. Now.

Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves,
for the rights of all who are destitute.
Speak up and judge fairly;
defend the rights of the poor and needy.
-Proverbs 31:8-9

Are you a Jesus freak?

Tue, 2 Feb 2010 00:00:00 GMT

Please forgive me in advance, for my thoughts in this blog are going to be very scattered. That is partially because I am still sorting things out that the Lord has been bringing me to, showing me, and speaking to me. My Father has been teaching me a whole lot this past week, and although you might not understand what I am saying, or necessarily agree with it, this is where my heart is at. And hopefully your mind will be open enough to receive it.

Last Friday I had a day of solitude. I locked myself in the only room with air conditioning and came out of the room maybe three times, only to use the restroom and get food. As soon as I settled myself, I began to ask the Lord how He wanted me to spend my day. And surprisingly, He didn't want me to read my bible all day, pray all day, or just lay down and receive truth from Him. He wanted me to read a book. He wanted me to read Jesus Freaks. In case you are not familiar with this book, it is a thick book all on martyr's stories. I read this book all in 2 days, and it gave me a paradigm shift. I have also been reading Barbarian Way, which was probably the best book I have read in years, and I am going to discuss points from there as well. Now, let me go further into some parts of those books, and some other pieces of scripture, that really made me look at the way I view God and my life.

"If the safest place to be is in the center of the will of God, then why is it that the biblical word for witness is actually the word for martyr? If the safest place to be is in the center of the will of God, then how do you explain the experience of Paul? Paul walked with God, and certainly whatever the will of God looks like, Paul had to have visited there at least a few times in his life. His journals, however described not a life filled with safety and certainty, but a life of adventure and danger." -The Barbarian Way

I have worked much harder, been in prison more frequently, been flogged more severely, and been exposed to to death again and again. Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was ship wrecked, I spent a night and a day in the open sea, I have been constantly on the move. I have been in danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my own countrymen, in danger from Gentiles, in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false brothers. I have labored and toiled and have often gone without sleep. I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food. I have been cold and naked. -1 Corinthians 11:23-27

If a lot of us were in Paul's shoes, and had all the things he listed above, or even some of them, happen to us we would wonder why on Earth God is doing this to us and what we did wrong. But a lot of times we forget that our will isn't always God's will. That isn't to say that God wants everyone to be in prison and be flogged and terrible things like that, but it is a possibility. Maybe God's plans for you are to go to all corners of the Earth preaching Faith, Hope, and Love. Who knows, certainly I don't. But me, personally, and people I know, get frustrated when things you think God wants you to do include suffering. God wants you to witness to people about His Son, and sometimes when you do that, you get in trouble, lose a friend, get made fun of, or sometimes worse. And that is hard to take. We are so wired to think that God wants what is comfortable for us, and that is far from the truth.

When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me more than these?"

"Yes, Lord," he said, "you know that I love you."

Jesus said, "feed my lambs."

Again Jesus said, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me?

He answered, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love you."

Jesus said, "Take care of my sheep."

The third time he said to him, "Simon son of John, do you love me?"

Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, "Do you love me?" He said, "Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you."

Jesus said, "Feed my sheep. I tell you the truth, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you, and lead you where you do not want to go." Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, "Follow me!"

Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them. When Peter saw him, he asked, "Lord, what about him"

Jesus answered, "If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me."

-John 21:15-22

Jesus asked Peter 3 times if he really loved Him,when it was only necessary to ask once. He asked those 3 times because of the future Peter would face. In the end, Peter was martyred. It was hard for Peter to hear that he was going to be "lead where you don't want to go." Peter turned from Jesus and saw the other disciple with him and asked, "what about him?" God has different plans for all of us. Some people are going to have a lot of suffering in their lives, will die for their faith, or will lead a life without persecution or without suffering. We sometimes forget about the bad parts of following Jesus.

To live is Christ and to die is gain. -Philippians 1:21

Why do we consider things that come along with following Jesus bad, then? Maybe they make things uncomfortable and there is suffering involved, but isn't the Cause far greater than the suffering? Losing a friend, compared to glorifying your Maker. Dying, while proclaiming God's Name.

When Christ calls a man, he bids him, "Come and die."

I mentioned this quote in a blog from Mexico, but it still stands true. It stands true literally in some cases, but it also stands true when it comes to the way we live our lives. To follow Christ, we need to die to ourselves daily. To have a relationship with Jesus involves some sort of death, and it's not up to you to decide if it will be literally or not.

"Our mission may not involve hanging on a cross, being jailed, or being burnt at the stake here in America, but we have other, more invisible obstacles. Ours is a society built by pride, materialism, and dedication to the status quo. In a world built on free will, instead of God's will, me must be the freaks. While we may not be called to martyr our lives, we must martyr our way of life. We must put our selfish ways to death and march to a different beat. Then the world will see Jesus." -Michael Tait

Some Christians haven't even attempted to think about whether or not they would die for Jesus because they haven't really been living for Him. -DC Talk

Have you ever thought about what you would give up for Jesus? I did once, and it really shocked me. A few months ago I asked myself that question and I realized that I would more easily lay my life down than get rid of everything I own, which isn't very much anymore! This was shocking to me, and devastating! Why is it so hard for me to give away everything I own to follow Jesus, even though when I die I won't be bringing anything with me? I am working on this right now, and am getting way better with this. Materials don't mean nearly as much to me and I find joy in serving people by giving away things that I thought meant so much to me. I've given away so much stuff, and I have barely any clothes anymore. I would rather give things away than have things of my own. I have come such a long way and the Lord has been faithful to my humanness and difficulty with giving things up for Him. It is a hard thing to think about, whether or not you are willing to die for your faith. Been there, am still doing that. But you need to ask yourself this question:

Are you willing to give up your life for the One who gave His life up for you?

Loves of my life

Thu, 21 Jan 2010 00:00:00 GMT

I am just beginning my 2nd week of being away from Iris Ministries' Orphanage in Mbonisweni, South Africa. I wanted to let all of you back home, or in other 3rd world countries, meet the children who stole a little piece of my heart. I also wanted to show you all a little bit of what my team and I have been doing in Mbonisweni and share my heart with you.

Surprise (left) has many personalities. First, he is sweet and is bringing you flowers and hugging you. Second, he is adventurous and will climb to the top of the mango tree to get himself a "mangosa". Third, he is rebellious and has some remaining anger from losing his Mother.

Bongani (right)is a house parent's child and he is just the cutest. He is so photogenic, and loves to cuddle! I would get so many hugs from this boy, for no reason! That's why I love him so!

Steven (left), as you can see, is totally adorable! He is going through a clingy stage because of his fear of abandonment, since losing his family. He is a lot of fun!

Fortunate (right)! How I miss this girl! She would spring up to me screaming "SISSY, SISSY!"She loves to be held and swung around, which I will gladly do at her request. At the beginning of our stay there, she was shy about being touched, which is a total 180 degree turn. I would kiss her on the cheek, and she would kiss me on my cheek and say she loves me. God definitleyg drew me to her for a reason.

Pedro(left)! This boy's mood swings are hilarious. He will be in love with you one minute and then mad at you the next. He had a crush on Jenny and would ask for her to come outside hundreds of times a day, no exaggeration! He came to the orphanage from Mozambique, because he was trafficked into South Africa illegally, and spoke only Shon-gon. Thankfully Africans can pick up languages quickly!

Fortunate (right)is another house parents' child. She has a future in children's ministry, which is totally evident in her heart for the other children she lives with. Her laugh is amazing, and her smile is beautiful, even though her teeth are always full of peanut butter! She always wanted us to do the same swinging games to her as we did with the little kids, even though she is 9 years old.

Welcome (left)is my new boyfriend. I will write about him later in this blog, because there is so much to say!

Thandeka (right)! She is the oldest of 3, and she is always watching over her little brothers. She is shy, and has a crush on Garrett, and will surprise you by her behaviors. When she is comfortable with you, beware because she will bite you in places that don't see daylight...which I guess is a kid here, because after she started, all the other girls started. It was okay though, because she loves us and we love her. She is so one in a kind.

Buhlia (left)is such a funny little girl. She is the youngest of 4, and is the only girl. Her brothers look out for her, which is cute to see. She has the loudest voice i probably ever heard. Whenever she speaks, you look around to see where that voice actually came from because there is NO WAY that voice came from that little girl! She has so much attitude, and spunk! And if she is mad at you, she will make it known! But her angry face is so funny that you won't even care that she is upset with you!

Senzo (right)is a character. He is so loving. He will run up to you and kiss your whole arm and hand over and over again. He will call you "mangosa" even though he knows you are not a mango, and in fact, a human! He is very dramatic, also. On one occasion, when I was coloring outside with him, he started crying over 12 times within 5 minutes all for different things. He wants attention so badly. But don't worry, his crying fits don't phase you after the first couple weeks. But, when he is really mad, he makes these sounds that would imply he is about to throw up. But, don't worry, he never does!

Nkosimphile (left) is 14, but he looks like he is 10, so you forget to not treat him like all the other little kids. He is the oldest of 4 kids, all of whom lost their family, so he is some sort of a Father. He is more mature than you would expect of him. He always wants to take pictures with cameras, and you can't go outside of the house with Welcome without him coming to love on him. He is great with Welcome, and Welcome absolutely adores him.

Nokwanda (right) is 11 and has such an attitude. I would love to describe her to you, but there is no way I could give her justice. She loves trying to braid my hair, but I usually chicken out because it hurts too badly. She tried to teach me to do Siswati dancing, which I failed miserably at. I couldn't even follow what directions her feet were going in the first step! It was so embarrassing. She loves dressing up and feeling pretty, too!

Nelson (left) is either 16, 17, or 19. No one really knows, and it is an ongoing investigation. He speaks Portugese and Shon-Gon and is from Maputu, Mozambique, and thankfully he picked up Siswati so quickly after getting to the orphanage. He enjoys drawing and just being helpful. He gets bored being stuck at the orphanage with all the little kids, so he was relieved when we came and we had guys actually somewhat close to his age! He tried to learn English so we could talk to him, which didn't work out so well. And he likes to workout...or run around the field for a full hour without stopping.

Syabonga (right)! He always smells like a farm because his diaper doesn't get changed as often as it should. He loves to give you flowers...lots of flowers. He will go pick flowers out of the plants and gardens and waddle back to give to you. When he falls, he doesn't cry, unlike all the other kids. He has the biggest smile, and the most precious laugh.

Wilele is an old soul, at just 6 years old. Her best friend is one of the 11 year olds, is always caring for her baby sister and carrying her on her back when her sister is old enough to walk. She often looks like she is sad, but she is just so serious. It is such a beautiful thing when something breaks through her I-have-to-be-grown-up wall and lets her be a kid again. I love watching the transition from her face in the picture above to her being like all the other 6 year olds here.

This picture was taken on our first day at the orphanage. All the boys picked us flowers and made them into a little "bouquet." It was precious and really showed a glimpse of what we would be experience for the next month.

This picture was taken at the feeding center up in Back Door, after all the kids were fed. The little boy in the gray shirt and I were having a "jumping party" and all the other kids joined in to jump. I was pulling a younger girl in to jump with us, that's why I am not in the air! He was so full of life.

This picture was taken at the feeding center as well. We were singing a song and doing some crazy hand motions along with the kids. This day, which happened to be my 19th Birthday and the Christmas message, we had over 400 children, teens, and adults in the audience and in the food line. Maybe now you can understand now how having 2 riots here would be possible!

A lot of you asked how my Christmas was...well, this is just a glimpse of my Christmas morning. We brought all the children we were living with at the orphanage, all the kids at the overflow house (house where the kids live in with other house parents until we get more houses at the orphanage), and the Sithole family together into the Kosa's garage for a Christmas ceremony where we sang to Jesus for his Birthday and were reminded of what Christmas really is, and all the kids received presents and stockings!

First day of school! All the kids look so nice! All the kids who are old enough for school, with the exception of Nelson and Pedro, are pictured here. Mama Dubei and Nomsa (the houseparents) are pictured as well.

My last day at the orphanage! I needed a picture with Nomsa (standing next to me) because I had to love her so much, and she came to love me too! Nelson, Bongani, Senzo, and our guard were here to say goodbye too!

This picture really doesn't have any sentimental value to me, I just wanted to add it here because this was the night I cleared my whole plate! In Siswati culture, the meals are huge, because they don't eat as many meals a day as we do in America. At church when they feed us, you can't even tell I touched my plate by the time I get full! But this time I finished my pop, or porriage, which is one of my favorite meals that I will cook when I come back to America, and my sausage!

This picture was taken on Christmas Eve at the candle light Christmas Eve service. This church is amazing and my team and I are going to try to continue coming back to this church while we are in Nelspruit. We meet under a tent, all several hundred of us, on a dirt floor, for over 3 hours every sunday. On this night, they called us up on stage to sing. Problem was, we hadn't prepared anything! So, we quickly found a song that we all knew and sang it. Things were going great until someone asked, "Now sing something reggae!" Hahahha, oh boy!

This is Welcome, my little lover boy! He is aproximatley 16 months old and is staying at the Baby House at the orphanage with our friends Frank and Cindy. I've spent hours with this precious one every day since we arrived at the orphanage last month. On day 2, our bond was made. We just clicked! He wanted me all the time, and usually no one else. We had some sort of special bond, I don't know what to call it other than love that Jesus gave me for him. His story is so unfortunate. Right now he is suffering from AIDS, TB, and is recovering from being malnutritioned as an infant. When I first arrived at the village, he could hardly stand up...and his standing up is just you holding him up, and he couldn't do that. When I left, he was standing up by holding only one of my fingers! He used to hate walking, and would cry if you made him walk. Now it is the opposite. He cries because he wants to walk! It's such a transformation. Welcome is a warrior. I don't know how he goes through all these ailments the way he does. He is making amazing progress. He has gained so much weight since being here, and his medicine is doing wonders! He hardly ever vomits his medicine, and I had the honor of wearing one of the only incidents of his vomit on my T-shirt. He has the most precious, dorky, toothy smile that makes me grin just thinking about. He does have abandonment issues, as most orphans do. If we are playing on the floor and I stand up to put my sandals on so I can take him outside, he cries because he thinks I am going to leave him. He fears being alone so badly. Please be praying for a miracle on his behalf, that Jesus would heal him. His Mother died, and his Father tried to kill him by not feeding him, which included no HIV treatment. Because of that, his HIV is irreversible. The missionaries at the orphanage along with myself continue to pray for his supernatural healing by the Father. Please join us in that!

While serving at the orphanage, a lot of major things happened in my life and, most importantly, in my heart. The number one thing that has really shaken me is that the Lord showed me where He wants my heart to be. That calling is to orphan ministry with the Siswati people. It is a missionary joke, it seems, that all we want to do is hold babies...but for me that is literally all I want to do. I am able to show Christ's love to them that way. Here is an example of that: At the Christmas Eve service, when the candles were lit and handed out, Wilele came running and crying to the last bench under the tent/church. I ran to her, and sat in that row with her and cradled her until she stopped crying. I am guessing she burnt herself on the candle. As I held her, I interceded for her and asked God to let me be just like Jesus for her. Later on, I started to feel water drop on my feet. This wasn't right, because there was no water here. I looked down and it turns out that the burning candle wax was dripping onto my foot. I felt no pain. The Lord took that pain from me so I could be Jesus for Wilele.

The Lord has really met me while I've been doing orphan ministry. While I am with these kids, I feel the same joy that I felt when I met the Lord for the very first time. It's such an intense love that I know is not all my own, it is a gift that God has showered on me for the sole purpose of giving it away. Before leaving the Betor House for the orphanage God shared with me that this was going to be a place that I would want to stay and would come back to. It was so difficult for me to leave, but I know that God can and will use me here, and will continue to teach me while I am away from the orphans. I am seeing Him teach me already. I feel so blessed that God has spoken to me what He wants from me, and what He wants me to do with my life. I am only 19, and yet I know that He desires for me to be a long term missionary in the South Africa/Swaziland area and be working with the Siswati people, but more specifically be working with the orphans. And I am seeing the Lord shape my heart for AIDS victims as well. Every single child that I feel strongly drawn to I find out later are HIV positive. There have been 2 children that I felt strongly drawn to, and I found out later that both of them have HIV. While visiting a church just minutes from the Swaziland border, i fell in love with a group of girls. While playing with them, I learned that the little girl I couldn't keep my eye off of during the church service had HIV. I don't yet know why God is giving me this passion, but I plan to use it for His glory. It's like God gave me a whole bunch of puzzle pieces, and I'm trying to put this puzzle together, but too many puzzle pieces are missing. What I need to do is wait for God to present the remaining pieces to me. That is a difficult thing to do, but I am learning to trust everything to God's perfect planning. He will reveal His plans to me when He is ready, and that will be when I am ready. I shouldn't force anything, because if it is God's will, why would there be any force on my part necessary? God will open the doors necessary, and He doesn't need me trying to break them down myself.

Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
don't try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
He's the one who will keep you on track.

Don't assume that you know it all.

-Proverbs 3:5-7

My Romantic Getaway

Mon, 18 Jan 2010 00:00:00 GMT

God's version of flowers and chocolates and candlelight dinners comes in the form of sunsets and falling stars, moonlight on lakes and cricket symphonies; warm wind swaying trees, lush gardens, and a fierce devotion.

When I read that quote in the book "Captivating" by John and Staci Eldredge, I started to see nature in a new way. But most importantly I started to see love in a whole new way. God's love. God's love for me. God's love for the world. I know that God loves me, and how he loves me enough to send His Son to Earth to die for me, a sinner. I never understood the extent of that love. That He would fight for me. That He finds me beautiful and breathtaking. That He moved heaven and earth to win my heart. That He wants to be my bridegroom, and that He wants me to be His bride.

What is it that God wants from you? He wants the same thing that you want. He wants to be loved. He wants to be known as only lovers can know each other. He wants intimacy with you.

There was an instance in Durban, ZA when God really got a hold of me and showered me with his love, affection, humor, and romance. One day I walked out to the beach to spend time with Jesus, in prayer. I found this slab of concrete that jetted out into the ocean, and I walked out onto it to talk to my Father. The wind was so strong that I was almost being knocked over, so I layed down on the concrete. I was really not wanting to get wet because I was wearing a new skirt that was long, so I scooted back enough that if for any reason a wave became taller than the other waves, I wouldn't get wet. Mid prayer, I got pelted with a wave. I scooted back some more, and layed down. I got pelted with yet another wave! I quickly put a pause on my prayer and got off that slab so I could stay dry.

I started to walk down the beach, far enough from the shore that I would still have the same beach feel, but far enough away that even a super rebel wave wouldn't be near enough to me to get me wet. So I picked up my prayer where I left off, and continued walking. But, all of a sudden, a monster wave somehow reached me and got me all wet! I was starting to get annoyed at this point. I got even more far from the waves this time, so that there was no possible way I could get wet. I was far enough away that I was walking around people's beach blankets and things like that. And yet, another wave came and got me even more wet. I was annoyed for a few seconds, but then somehow I knew it was Jesus playing a game with me. He didn't say it to me, my whole body just knew. I started laughing, and smiling, just like I would have if a guy was romancing me.

You have been and you will continue to be romanced all your life. Our God finds you lovely. Jesus has moved heaven and earth to win you for himself. He will not rest until you are completely His. The King is enthralled by your beauty. He finds you captivating.

It was amazing and beautiful to see God in this way, and to feel what I should be feeling every second of my life. I felt so close to him, like He was the ocean that kept playfully splashing me. After I realized this was God, I realized that He was going to stop splashing me because I had figured Him out, and I was disappointed. But then as I was thinking that, He splashed me yet again. It was perfect, so beautiful, and so full of God's presence.

A woman of true beauty is a woman who in the depths of her soul is at rest, trusting God because she has come to know Him to be worthy of her trust. She exudes a sense of calm, a sense of rest, and invites those around her to rest as well. She speaks comfort, she knows that we live in a world at war, that we have a vicious enemy, and our journey is through a broken world. But she also knows that because of God all is well, that all will be well. A woman of true beauty offers others the grace to be and the room to become. In her presence, we can release the tension and pressure that so often grip our hearts. We can also breathe in the truth that God loves us and He is good.

I so badly want to be this woman! I came to Mexico being the furthest from this that I possibly could be, and although the Lord has truly grown me in so many ways, I'm still not there yet. I am still inviting Jesus into my heart more and more to heal those wounds that people have left. I still get fooled by the enemy's lies. I get stressed out. I get frustrated and don't extend the same grace that the Father gives us to my team and to other people I encounter. I have a long way to go, and yet I know that the Lord is not done transforming me I know He has been working overtime, because other people can see it from the outside. At our commissioning serve in Mexico, before leaving for South Africa, I heard from multiple people how much my beauty has literally increased because I have found my identity in Christ. I came into the homeless church in Atlanta, Georgia a scared, damaged, confused, and not confident girl. I left for Africa a more confident, healed, and authorative woman. And you can see it in my face. The Lord is still working to transform me into His beautiful bride that will fight for Him and seek His face with all my mind, heart, and soul, even when the going gets hard. Before leaving for Mexico, I didn't know it was possible for me to be in the place that I am at with the Lord now, but I know it is possible and I want to pursue Him with all that is in me. He is so good, and I can't get enough of Him!

You have been and you will continue to be romanced all your life. Our God finds you lovely. Jesus has moved heaven and earth to win you for himself. He will not rest until you are completely his. The King is enthralled by your beauty. He finds you captivating.

Jesus is extending his hand to you. He is inviting you to dance with him. He asks, "May I have this dance...every day of your life?" His gaze is fixed on you. He is captivated by your beauty. He is smiling. He cares nothing of the opinion of others. He is standing. He will lead. He waits for your response. How will you respond? Will you leave Jesus waiting outside your front door? Or will you run out to him and let Him take you wherever He wants, and let Him sweep you off your feet? Jesus is waiting for you.

I will be with you wherever you go- GOD

Wed, 6 Jan 2010 00:00:00 GMT

Do not be terrified;

Do not be discouraged,
for the Lord your God will be with you
wherever you go.
-Joshua 1:9

This is a verse I was supposed to read right around Christmas. See, since leaving Mexico I decided I was going to start reading the bible from the beginning to the end. I just finished Deuteronomy and was tired of reading the Old Testament and wanted to read some Jesus! So instead of moving on to Joshua which is the next book, I started reading John. This morning I felt like I should start reading Joshua and as soon as I opened the book I realized what a mistake I made when I started reading John that day. Joshua 1:9 was meant for me to read that day based on some events that started happening.

Some of you read my status on Monday where I said , "Cait Evangelista just wants to say she is alive! If you knew all that has gone on in the past week and a half, you will have to say it is a miracle I am! Yay Jesus!" I want to clear up right now that I never legitimately almost died. I was just put into some dangerous situations, but God's hand was with me the whole time.

On Christmas afternoon, my team and I left White River, ZA and started our journey to Durban, ZA...which is about 8 hours away. This trip turned into an overnight trip and we ended up getting to Durban the next afternoon.

South Africa is very mountainous, and the drive down to Durban was very scary. Driving here is a lot different. The drivers seat is on the other side of the car and you drive on the opposite side of the road. So that was already difficult. Add that to the curves on the mountains, and it is going to be dangerous.

We got into this little town, Ermelo, to change our GPS around. As soon as we got into this town, I started to feel nervous and not at ease. We ended up getting dinner there, at a McDonald's (Yeah, they have them in South Africa now for the World Cup) and asking an Afrikaans man for directions and what road he would suggest that we take down to Durban. He told us what road to take, but that it was very unsafe. There are tons of pot holes (The pot holes here are like bathtubs in the US, just half as deep), curves, construction, and cattle roaming the roads. He said he would never let his daughter take that road when it is dark out, and that he wouldn't be able to sleep at night knowing that we traveled that road.

This Afrikaans man ended up inviting us to spend the night at his guest house because of the road conditions. We told him that we were going to try driving to Durban, because his offer sounded a bit sketchy, and let him know what our plans were after taking that road for 30 minutes.

After turning on that road, lightning started. Then it started to pour down rain. Then it started to thunder. Then it started hailing. Then all these flashing construction signs popped up saying, "Do Not Enter" and other signs saying that it wasn't safe to take the road due to bad conditions. My team started remembering back to the Christmas Eve service we attended at Back Door the night before and what pastor Surprise prophesied to us. He told us that each of us would encounter angels on the road. This was hitting each of my teammates at different times, but I was struggling. Big time.

My Mom always taught me not to trust strangers and not to go into stranger's houses. I was always under the impression that if I did something of that sort, I would be murdered. As we drove down this road, it was seeming more and more like we would have to spend the night at this stranger's house. And I was freaking out. Myles was yelling, "THE CAR! THE CAR!" because it was hailing out. Garrett was so excited about the correlation between what Pastor Surprise said and what was happening right now. I have no idea what Jenny was doing. Claire was praying for me. I was hysterically crying and saying how I don't want to die yet! It was quite a sight!

Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. -Exodus 14:13

Eventually, I calmed down and God gave me peace. We decided, as a team, that it was safe to stay in this man's house. Everything went fine, except for him being more hospitable than we expected. There were only 2 rooms in the house, and 4 people in that family. Because we spent the night, that whole family squished into one little room so we would have a place to stay. They even let us lock the door from our side so there was no way they could have killed us, unless they took the door down with a chainsaw!

The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to his heavenly kingdom. -2 Timothy 4:18

So we survived spending the night at a stranger's house in a sketchy town in South Africa! I would say that was a very dangerous situation. And it didn't end there.

The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. -Exodus 14:14

Day 2 of driving to Durban was great. The only bad part was that we got pulled over by a cop car. Apparently the speed had changed, but all 5 of us missed the speed limit sign. We were 2 kph over what we thought the speed limit was and were really confused when we got pulled over. Turns out the speed limit changed, and we were actually 22 kph over the limit (which is somewhere around 10 mph over the limit, no big deal). Nothing happened though. The cop let us go because she didn't want us to think badly of South Africa because of the World Cup coming up.

For He will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; They will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. -Psalm 91:11-12

Once getting into Durban, we checked into our hostel. I don't know what we expected the hostel to be like, but it was far from any of our expectations. The house was full of peace corps participants, free loaders, and random people. I had felt like God was calling us to Durban for a reason, and I found that reason in where we were staying. The hostel was full of people who hate religion, don't understand God, hate Christians, love drugs, need booze to have a good time, and other things that I really don't want to mention.

My heart quickly broke for these people. My heart broke for the lies they have been fed, the addictions they feed into, the sins in their life, and their confusion. I spent a lot of time with these people. I would stay up till 2 am with them, long after my team had gone to sleep. I was able to tell them about my God and how great he is, but also understand why it is that people have such difficulties in believing in God. I was able to see how The Church has hurt people. I was able to see what I need to grow in in sharing my faith.

May the Lord make your love increase and overflow for each other and for everyone else. -1 Thessalonians 3:12

I learned a little bit about why Atheists are atheists, and why Agnostics are agnostic. I learned that people who are atheist have strong reasons behind it. They will have a rebuttal, as obvious as that would seem. All those people have heard the Gospel, and they didn't agree with it or believe it or whatever their case is. But because of that, they went off on their own to see what "truth" is. No one is going to gamble with the potential of eternity in heaven or eternity in hell.

Many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their God is their stomach, and their glory is their shame. Their mind is on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, Jesus Christ. -Philippians 3:18-20

I realized I was not living by 1 Peter 3:15. "Be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have." I was not prepared. Not by any definition of the word. It crushed me that I was at a loss of words for these people, but that I knew God wanted me in Durban for them.

Had I misheard Him? Were these people not who He wanted me to minster to? Was God not speaking to me because this is not "The Guy" He wanted me to talk to? Would God not speak to me, or through me, because of that? But didn't Jesus say, "Surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age," in Matthew 28:20? There Satan is, with his lame attempts at trying to prevent God's kingdom coming.

Well, he did not prevent my King's kingdom from coming. Not one little bit. I might have been persecuted. The people there might have hated me. Who cares? I certainly don't. I am blessed!

Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. -Matthew 5:11

There were a couple things that happened that I did not expect at all. Here is the first one. I would be sitting at a bench by the bar of the hostile (not drinking anything, not even water) and someone would ask me what I was doing in South Africa. I am obviously not from here because I am white, don't speak Afrikaans, and I have an American accent that no one could understand. They would say, "Are you with the peace corps?" and I would say, "No, I am a missionary." And with almost every person who asked me that question, they would all quickly take a step back. Why? Because they thought I was some sort of crazy person in Africa for the sole purpose to convert anyone I came into contact with. It took a long time for them to respect me even a little bit. When they began to respect me I was able to see how The Church has hurt them, and why they hate The Church.

If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. -John 15:18-19

When I would witness to the people by the bar, a common thing that was said about what they don't like about God is rules. Rules, rules, rules. No freedom. No fun. Ever. "To be a Christian I have to be super religious and follow all these rules and be trapped." Am I religious? I wouldn't say so. Their definition of freedom is so different from my definition of freedom. My view of freedom is that I am freed from my sins and other bondage, but their freedom is about being able to do whatever they want to do...like drinking alcohol and sex...you know where this is going.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. -Galatians 5:1

I was asked more times to have a drink, smoke a cigarette, and things that are illegal more times than I ever have in my life, regardless that that hasn't been too many times. One instance in particular, a peace corps guy asked me if I wanted Scotch and Coke, and I said no. Then he asked if I wanted Coke, and I said sure. It wasn't hard for me to say No...it just made it weird when we all knew I could legally drink at my age in South Africa. Another guy invited me to do weed with him, and I declined. He gave me a hard time about it, along with declining to drink with him. He wanted me to just "have fun," but it was hard for him to see how I could do that sober and not high. Jesus is more fun than that, as cheesy as it sounds!

In fact, everyone who wants to live a Godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted.-2 Timothy 3:12

So that was my amazing Christmas "vacation." I did get to have some rest and relaxing...when people weren't around. It was so worth it though. I learned so much from them. I learned a lot about myself as a Christ Follower and a lot as part of The Church. I learned that my Father will protect me. I learned what my strengths are and what my weaknesses are while ministering. I got so used to doing ministry with children who already know the Gospel and who speak Shon-gon or Suswati that it was a bit of a shock to see grown white people who don't love Jesus. That would happen when you spend the past month living at a Christian orphanage. It was a short 3 day vacation that turned into an almost 7 day vacation that was all God, all the time. My team and I left a different team, and came home changed. It truly was all God, all the time.

Support

Hello lovey dovey's! I have ALL of my support money in. That means that I don't need my monthly supporters to continue sending checks in or having money drafted from their account. That also means we need to praise God for his faithfulness.

I royally screwed up in late 2008 when I started raising support and lost faith that God would find a way, but God took care of me. Come 2009 when I surrendered everything money related to my Father, I got well over a thousand dollars in 2 weeks, which is only one of many examples. God has been so faithful to me! God provided more money than I could have ever imagined to my support and bank account with hundreds of dollars coming in every month. Holy cow! God is so good to us!

As I write this I am listening to Cory Asbury's song, Faithful to the end. He is singing, "He's faithful to the end, he's faithful to my heart, he's faithful to the end, will you come and marry me?" I remember having a lot of trouble with trusting God to my finances for this trip, and on numerous occasions people would say that if God really wanted me to come on this trip, he would provide. 1 Thessalonians 5:24 says just that. "The one who calls you is faithful and He will do it." God did call me to this trip and because of that He will provide the finances for it. The past couple times I've looked at my support account resulted in me screaming and running around whatever house I am at and hugging everyone I know and saying how faithful God is. You could say that I am learning from experience that God will not leave me, in the finance department. God will provide for you, also. He did for me, and I really didn't deserve it.

Please thank God for all he did with providing for me financially. And I want to thank all of you! Thank you for giving to my cause so generously, and for the financial burden it must have been for you and your families. I would not be here if it weren't for all of you back home. I can't begin to thank all of you for your devotion to me and your constant encouragement. The life you all speak into my life is so appreciated that you couldn't begin to understand. The prayers, the encouraging comments on my blog entries, the fact that you read my blog, and taking the time out of your day to say hello to me on facebook or by email means more to me than you could ever know. I wouldn't be in the spot I am right now if it weren't for all of you back in America. And I'm not just saying that. The respect you all have for me is something that drives me when I am feeling discouraged with just about anything. So thank you for being you and being apart of my life!

That sounds so lame, but it's nearly impossible to word this with the enthusiasm I am feeling. Whenever I am holding a child, or singing up on stage at a church, or cooking meals for missionaries, I am thankful for you all and mental pictures of your faces flash through my mind because you all are crucial to my being here, in South Africa. Whenever I learn something new, or whenever the Lord does something amazing, I can't wait to tell you all about it. I love you all so much! And I am so thankful that the Lord put you all in my life! Hopefully one day I will be able to pay you back for all that you've done for me!

Meet my team!

Thu, 31 Dec 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Hello Family and Friends!

So I am going to have a blog coming up about Christmas, but since Christmas isn't really finished here, I am going to post a blog about my team, and people I am working closely with. I have pictures of everyone, and then I will do a little introduction. Hopefully this will help you to understand why I love them, see how they resemble Jesus, and will put a face to the name. Enjoy!

Rebecca Florke

This is Rebecca, or who we all like to call Claire! She is an amazing, amazing, woman of God. She is the most dedicated servant of God I've ever met. I've never seen her frustrated, and if she does, it won't be in a way you would expect. She won't blow up, she will handle it the way you should. She is persistantly persuing God and His truth, Trying to reteach herself things that she believed about Christ and dying to herself. If there is a situation that is stressful and someone is having a hard time, she is saying, "We need to pray." Just the other night, I was getting really nervous about something while we were driving, and she prayed for me. I have no idea what she was praying because our car was so full of noise, but I felt peace. She has a great attitude about everything. Some of the members of my team tease her for some of the noises she makes, and call her a squirrel and she takes it so well! We could all bear to learn how to handle instances like that from her. You literally need to ban her from the kitchen because she WILL stay in the kitchen and serve the heck out of my team. She serves not because the Bible "says to", but because that is the person God brought her to be, and she does so with a huge, beautiful smile on her face.

Myles Long

What a character Myles is. He is our "team leader." In that, he is in charge of our team finances and calling America to let them know we are alive, host relationships, and a few other things. He has such a unique sense of humor that I am just now getting to understand and enjoy. I see God working in him in so many ways that I don't know how to describe it accurately. He was called to work with kids in Africa through visions at a church kind of retreat. Every time I see him with kids is a confirmation to that vision. He is some sort of kid magnet. The kids gravitate toward him. He doesn't even have to try, and that is precisely because God brought him up for that purpose. On one occasion, I went outside to play with the orphans at the orphanage we are staying at. The kids and I were having a great time, and then Myles walks out. They all run toward him and hug him and love him and are just drawn to him. It just reminds me of how Jesus was with the children when he walked on the Earth. He is very intelligent, also. Every time we go to the mall, he HAS TO buy at least one book. If I ever have a question about anything, he is the person I come to. Not because he is our "team leader," but because he knows his stuff. If I have a question about something in the bible, he will know. If I have a question about gardening, he knows. If I have a question about cars (I wouldn't understand the answer anyway), he knows. That is just Myles for you.

Garrett Berkeley

His name sounds a lot like Carrot Broccoli, but his real name is Garrett. He is from Minnesota and is proud of it (I just found out tonight that almost ALL Minnesotans are proud of their state). He is very gifted in music. He has lead worship at IHOP (International House of Prayer, in Kansas City) and has led worship on many different occasions and helped start a church. He has such a passion for Jesus. I know that all Christ followers do, but I've never met someone who strives for it as much as he does. He says he wants to be "Jesus with skin on." We have the Holy Spirit in us, which means we have Jesus in us if we let Him. He wants that to happen. He wants to be Jesus more than anything. He is so connected with the Spirit, it is inspiring. He is so willing to be used by God...in ways that I am afraid of, mostly spiritually. He has helped me a lot on my journey to gaining confidence. He helped pinpoint what areas I could use improvement on and helped to encourage me. He really is helping me to find my identity in Christ. He has such great leadership skills, and can come up with a way to make everyone happy when it seems it would be impossible. He can always make me laugh, even when it is stupid, despite the fact that I laugh at just about anything and everything. He is just the goofiest person, he would make you laugh too!

Jenny Christensen

Lets start off with this...Jenny is from Alaska! We like to tease her about being Alaskan, having a polar bear, living in an igloo, and being an Eskimo version of a hillbilly. Jenny is the link between the genders in my team. She links Clair and I to Garrett and Myles. I don't even know what that means, really, but she does it. She has such a heart for all things of God. While we were in Mozambique she and I were discussing some events in Exodus, and different parts of scripture, and halfway through the conversation, she expressed how excited she was being able to talk about truth like that way. After the conversation, I took a nap and she took my bible. When I woke up, she was in tears while reading my bible because of how beautiful God's truth is. She loves it and constantly seeks it. She initiated a nightly prayer time with Claire and I, which started a lot of things going which was great. She has such joy. If there is ever a rain storm, you don't even have to look outside to know that Jenny is out there dancing in it. She isn't afraid to climb the mountain in our back yard in Nelspruit with the boys, and is the only reason we eat healthy. She is always conversating with people, and just being a light.

Blair Nightingale

Blair is one of our leaders that we got to spend 2 and a half months with in Mexico and South Africa. I'm overwhelmed with even where to start. He is just amazing! He has such an inspirational story, and the Lord uses him in so many ways. He has an intense and almost intimidating vibe to him, but he is not like that. He is intense because he is constantly thinking about how he can "go harder" for God. He has been a vital part of our team in pursuing God's plans. He has been with us from the beginning, that is back in August for training camp, so we have been able to get to know him very well, and him know us very well. God uses him as a way to communicate to His children. He speaks life that is straight from God. When we are praying as a team for someone, he prays something that pierces the heart because he is so in tune with God's Spirit. He was on the First Year Missionary program with AIM last year and grew tremendously. He spent his training period in South Africa, and his outreach period in Swaziland. He used to be the drummer for Becoming the Martyr (a metal band in Canada), but left the band because of Jesus. It's all because of Jesus.

Rebecca Herndon

We call her Becks. I'm going to bring you back to training camp. I was sitting in front of a mirror, weeping and petrified, because God was shaking my world and showing me true freedom. I thought I had been freed from my past sins, but I had not. Becks came up to me and gave me a permanent marker, instead of an erasable marker, to write all the things I am free from on this mirror. I had never talked to her about this. God told her. I am sure that doesn't make much sense, but it was an intimate moment between the two of us. I have come to love her so much, and I really miss her so much right now. God called her to work with college aged people wanting to go into missions, and it is so obvious! She has such a passion for my age group and it just radiates from her. She loves living in community and has a heart for Muslim people. The last night she was with us in South Africa, we were sitting around a campfire. And there was, what looked like, lightning going on. We couldn't see the bolts, we could just see the flashes. She said, "God is taking pictures of what community looks like," or she said it somewhat close to that. She has interceded for me, and for other people on my team, and for people with the Novas Project as a whole. She loves God's people so much, and the only thing she loves more than that is God Himself.

Kent, Shay, and Terry

My hosts! Kent and Shay are from Florida, and Terry is from Ohio. Kent and Shay run the Betor House, originally. The owners of the house chose them to run it. Terry started staying with them last year, while she was still a participant on AIM's World Race. God had planned for her to stay in Nelspruit and work with Kent and Shay at the Betor House. They are all lovely people. Kent is a big guy, but has an even bigger heart. When you are around him, he will erase your bad mood and make you just smile. If he doesn't do something specific to make you smile, just his laugh and the way he talks will make you smile. He says his gift is mercy, and his love language is touch. He is so merciful and it takes something big to make him upset. He loves hugs and just being close to people. Shay is an awesome woman. She is honest, is hilarious, and has a one-of-a-kind personality. I don't really know how to explain her, because she is so unique. Terry is awesome. We have connected and I'm able to look up to her. She has such a distinct laugh that you can identify from across the room. When she speaks, it is with Christ's authority. When she loves, it is with God's love. When she listens, it is with God's ears. She is absolutely consumed. Their ministry is marketplace ministry. Have you ever noticed that almost all of the miracles performed in the New Testament were performed not in the church, but in the marketplace? Think about why their ministry, other than running the missionary house, would be marketplace ministry.

Frank and Cindy

Frank and Cindie are a couple that live in White River, next to us at the orphanage. They run the baby house, and live with Welcome. Welcome is a 15-18 month AIDS, TB, and malnourished baby. They just spent 2 months in Pemba, Mozambique, at Iris Ministries' Missions School. Now they are back in South Africa and are helping my team a lot. I am at their house pretty much everyday. Sometimes I am there to play with Welcome, sometimes I need to borrow a knife (since we don't have one) or just to talk. I always take something away from talking with them. Sometimes it is about taking care of babies, or it's about support raising, or about spiritual health of missionaries or just about anything! They are great people and are teaching me a lot. They don't get annoyed that we come to their house asking to borrow something just about every day either. That says something!

Tiesa

When you meet Tiesa, all you can think about is love. What love means, how she loves other people, how she loves God, how she loves to serve, and what you need to change about how you love. Ever since she found Jesus she has been radical. She is so radical for Jesus, and she doesn't have to think about doing it! Her love for Him is so deep that she can't help but be radical for Him. Her wedding day is a perfect example. She and her husband went out into the streets of Mozambique and invited the poor to come to the wedding. They had 1,500 poor people at the wedding ceremony, and 3,000 poor people at their wedding feast. At their reception they preached the gospel and healed whoever needed to be healed. That day 300 people found Christ. Who does that? I have never heard of anyone doing that, but that really puts things into perspective for me! She spent 5 years in upper Mozambique working with an untouched tribe, and did amazing things. Iris Ministries sent her and her husband, Gene, to start the Michael's Children Village in White River/Back Door, South Africa. It has been running just since July, which is hard to believe, because they are striving. Tiesa is an example of how you should be living for Jesus.

You have stolen my heart

Thu, 17 Dec 2009 00:00:00 GMT

For the first time ever, I preached! Technically it was called a devotion, but that is because of the amount of people I was with and what we were doing. The owners of the Betor House (The house I stay at in Nelspruit, South Africa) own a real estate agency as well. And on Tuesday mornings our hosts go there and pray with them, worship, have a devotion, and talk...a lot! It is an all women agency, so it keeps a certain feminine vibe going on there! But the scripture I am about to share wrecked me all last week. The Lord kept bringing it back up to me, and talking to me about it, and teaching me about it. On Tuesday morning, the day we went to the agency, I felt the Lord confirming what I already felt I needed to do: share these verses with the women and share with them what the Lord had been teaching me. After sharing the devotion, Terry confirmed to me that it was the Spirit that lead me to speak that morning, not myself. There were only a few women (3 women) that we were present because of how close it is to Christmas, but 2 of those women who were at work that day definitely received the message. One woman was in an abusive relationship for years, and the other woman has self image difficulties. Yebo, Holy Spirit! At that time, I was confused as to why these women's faces melted when I started my devotion. Their faces transformed from the strong business women that they are to the face of someone receiving something that God intended for them to hear. Here is some of the material I shared with those women, and a little something extra, too!

"All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you." -Song of Songs 4:7

This is so hard for women, and men alike, to believe. Society today tells us that we need to have the perfect body, the perfect skin, the perfect hair, the perfect look. But what God is sharing with us is that we are already beautiful! We subconsciously strive to be accepted by others with our physical looks. What we need to remember is that there is no one to impress with your looks! The God of the universe who created you thinks you are absolutely stunning. So if he thinks you are so beautiful, who else matters? He is the best thing we will ever know, and yet we continue to strive for physical perfection?

In Exodus, the Lord calls Moses to bring the Israelites out of Egypt. Moses says,:

"O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue." The Lord said to him, "Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say." -Exodus 4:10-12

When I read this for the first time, it really convicted me because I have said the same thing that Moses said, just in more modern tongue. So many of us feel like we aren't worthy enough or good enough or able to do the grand plans that God gives us. In the case of Moses, Moses doesn't feel worthy or able to bring the Israelites out of Egypt, even though the Lord appeared to him and told him what to do. Moses says he is "slow of speech and tongue," but the Lord replies, "Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you and speak and will teach you what to say." Moses, such a prominent man of the Old Testament, had trouble believing God is bigger than his stuttering problem (which many scholars believe Moses had) and that He would help him speak and teach the Israelites. I believe most of us can relate to Moses in this situation in one way or another. You might not like the height you are, or your body type, or your skin tone. Or it might be completely different...someone might be deaf, mute, have speaking impediments, or tons of other things that would cause difficulty in public speaking. But God is bigger than those things and can and will overcome them if he needs to for you to fulfill His plans for your life. But, what is important for all of us is to understand is that God gave us all these things and he thinks we are a beautiful. We are His perfect creations. We were created in His image, so how can anything really be wrong with us?

"You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace." -Song of Songs 4:9

You! This is about you! God thinks you are so captivating! This is so hard for us to accept because the world today has been drilling into our heads how not beautiful or not handsome we are. You should wear makeup if you want to look pretty, and you need to gel and mousse your hair to make it the perfect messiness so you have the perfect amount of masculinity, or whatever it is. Those are all lies. God says, "You have stolen my heart,". You stole God's heart...how amazing is that? How amazing is it that people like you and me, who have tripped up and messed up and disappointed God on so many levels on so many different occasions, would steal God's heart with one glance of our eyes? This is only possible through Christ. If it wasn't for his glorious sacrifice, God wouldn't be able to look at us! Without Jesus, we are filthy. We would be covered in sin, but because of what Jesus did on the cross we can steal God's heart with one glance of our eyes.

"As a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you." -Isaiah 62:5

For some people, when they read this verse, they relate it to the church. But I feel like it is talking about us. Recently, on a car ride into Mozambique, Tracy (a missionary from central Mozambique) was saying how some people want to be "just friends" with Jesus...but what He really wants is to be our bridegroom and for us to be His bride. When I was sharing this verse with the ladies at the agency, I shared this example: Imagine God is at a party with some pals. You walk in the door and your eyes and God's eyes meet. He looks to His friends, and says to them, "She is mine!" Like a proud parent. Like you are a prize. Like you are His treasure. Like you are something to rejoice over, and that is because you are! When you are a child of God, a child of the Lord Most High, you will always be rejoiced over! You will always be viewed as a prize! You will always be Someone's treasure!

Pure religion is this...

Thu, 17 Dec 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Tear down the walls, see the world. Is there something we have missed? Turn from ourselves, look beyond, there is so much more than this. And I don't need to see it to believe it cause I can't shake this fire burning deep inside my heart. Look to the skies, hope arise. See his majesty revealed. More than this life, there is love. There is hope and this is real. -Tear down the walls, Hillsong United

Right now I am staying in White River but we are doing all our ministry in a Suswati community called Back Door. It is a very poor community located on the upper part of one of the many mountains located in this region of South Africa. The Iris Ministires base we are working with has a church in Back Door, along with a bible school and a feeding center. We were helping out at the feeding center up until the week of Christmas, and we will start back up again in January. We hang out with the children for a bit then everybody gets together and we spend 30 minutes or so doing a discipleship lesson. We will sing a couple songs in English and in Suswati, chuck FULL of body motions. Then we will give a devotion on something that kids ages 1-18 yrs old can understand equally, which is extremely difficult to come up with. After the lesson, the kids all run to where the women from the community serve the food. I am always up front helping the little ones (the one to two year olds) get their plates and bring it back to a non-crowded space of dirt to eat their food without spilling it everywhere. Everyone gets the same portion of food, whether or not you are a 1 year old baby girl or a 60 year old go-go. There is always pop, something that probably has cabbage in it, and sometimes chicken (the chicken isn't at all what you and I are used to. None of the white people can eat it because it will make us really sick. The people who receive food at the feeding center are used to that quality of food and it doesn't affect their digestive system). The first day we were there, there were over 200 kids receiving food.

The first day, while I was trying to keep the little ones from falling on top of each other at the front of the line, Blair (one of my leaders who are spending time with us) came up to me. He was holding a baby boy, who couldn't have been more than 18 months old, and said to me, This one was being squished in the back. " So I brought him right up to the front of the line and got him his plate and found him a spot on the ground to eat.

After all the kids had received their food, I was walking around the center to see where the Spirit would lead me. While I was walking around, Jenny (my teammate) came up to me and asked me to follow her. There were 4 boys all sitting around one plate of food. Three of the boys had to be from 4 years to 6 years old. The other boy was an infant. Four brothers. They were sharing their plate because they thought they had to share their food because that's what they always had to do. Eat a little bit of food, and share it amongst themselves. Everyone else had their own plate to themselves, but they honestly thought they had to share it and hide it. Like it was something to be ashamed of. Like it was something they were guilty of. Guilty of eating food? Ashamed of having the first meal they'd had in a few days?

After resolving the problem, I went over to the jungle-gym (spray painted tires sticking out of the ground) to play with this little girl who found me and wanted to play a game. After we finished playing, I started walking back to where a lot of the kids were eating their food. On my way there, I ran into those 4 brothers who had been sharing the same plate. They were getting ready to leave the center and I saw they were having some difficulty with this thing they were trying to tie onto the oldest brother's back, so I helped them. I helped tie this baby to the back of the 6-year old boy. I helped get the baby's legs in the leg holes and got him on the boy's back, and his brother and I started setting up the straps. I was totally clueless on how to do this, but his 4 year old brother knew all about how to do it from tying his baby brother to his big brother's back multiple times everyday.

After getting them all set up to leave, I sent them on their way and finished my walk over to where the kids were finishing their food. I found that baby boy that Blair gave to me earlier and he was covered in dirt (which is sand here). I cleaned the sand off his face, but he continued to lose his balance and fall over, since he was still learning how to walk steadily. He was holding something in his hand that he kept trying to eat. I thought it was a rock, but even a baby would know not to eat a rock! I took it from him to find out what it was and to clean it off for him, and I found out it was a chicken bone. I gave it back to him not knowing what to do because he had been working on that thing for a long time. He fell down again and started crying. He wasn't crying because he scraped his knee, or because he hurt himself. He was crying because his chicken bone was covered with sand, and he couldn't eat it. I picked him up to comfort him, but I was so preoccupied with not letting the tears welling up in my eyes fall down my cheek.

This was one of the hardest days I've faced since being on the field. Hands down. I am not positive of what I learned from this. All I can think of is: LOVE. This song was playing in the background of my mind the whole time this was going on.

Jesus loves me, this I know,
For the Bible tells me so.
Little ones to Him belong;
they are weak but He is strong.

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress. -James 1:27

Chaco tan line, Poopy compost, and bootleg New Moon

Sun, 6 Dec 2009 00:00:00 GMT

One of the first things I heard from my hosts (Papa Kent, Mama Shay, and Terry) when I arrived in South Africa was that we had the opportunity to go to Mozambique. Little did they know that God had told me in a dream that He wanted me to go Mozambique in my future. This was the first of many confirmations, that South Africa is where I need to be, that have happened since being here. Everything that I have been experienced is exactly what I needed to see and hear. It's like God went through a buffet line and picked out my favorite foods, foods that are scary to try for the first time, and food that will keep me healthy. I know God does things like that regularly (not the buffet line, but planning our futures like that) but it's amazing how perfect this trip is for me! This isn't what this blog is about...so consider that a "preview" to my next blog!

So...Mozambique!!! Mozambique is an amazing country that not many people know about. They are the poorest country in Africa, with the highest unemployment rate. Most people are farmers, since a lot of the country lives in rural areas, which is perfect because Mozambique actually has awesome gardening soil! My team stayed in Matola, which is not too far away from the capital, Maputo. The line between poverty and middle and upper class is so distinct and you can literally tell where the South Africa/Mozambique border line is when driving into Mozambique. The South African side of the border area is greener, has paved roads, and "legitimate" houses. The Mozambican side of the border is dusty/sandy, has no paved roads except for major highways, and the houses are actually huts, where your walls are wooden reeds tied together very tightly. Someone told me to watch carefully as I cross the border because the differences are extremely obvious, and that person was right, except for it's not necessary to watch carefully because it is that noticeable.

What did we actually do there, ministry wise, you are probably asking? Terry is friends with a missionary from South Africa, Amy. We stayed at her place and served her and her ministry. We served her by clearing out her garden...or should I say tropical rain forest? In the back of the house there is a rectangle area of space, not too big, that we planned to turn into an organic garden! We had to weed everything but the living trees in the yard. Weeding that area took hours and hours and hours! We cleared out baby trees, corn stalks, dead trees, trash, etc. After hours of work, sweating, bad tan lines, awesome but totally wrong jokes, we completed the garden! We planted lettuce, onions, tomatoes, carrots, and beans. The proceeds from the ripened veggies will be going to the ministry she works with, and will feed the people who she is reaching there.

The ministry Amy works with, that we

were blessed to be able to work with, is based in Maputo, Mozambique and the rural areas of Matola, Mozambique. The ministry started off being for prostitutes in Maputo. In Mozambique, if your Mother is a prostitute, you have that same future: being a prostitute. Also, the people there strongly believe that if you sacrifice someone in your family (not sacrifice in the witchcraft/cult/seance way, but throw someone out into the street and give them up way) that the rest of the family will prosper. So a lot of times the family will be having money problems, and will throw the daughter out of the house and, in American terms, disown her. If you are that girl thrown out by her family, you don't have many options when it comes to finding food. In most cases, that girl will turn to prostitution because she doesn't want to starve. In the case for both girls (girls who "have to be" prostitutes because their Mother was, and girls who were sacrificed), they absolutely hate selling their bodies in that way. They depend on alcohol and drugs to numb themselves when they do "business" and develop nasty addictions. They live in abandoned buildings that are run down and destroyed from bombs with other prostitutes. When Amy and the other women who are part of this ministry invite them to live in nice homes where they can work to reverse the cycle of prostitution and destruction, we are able to see their skewed sense of worth. After living in these homes for a week tops, all the women, except for 2, leave because "it's too nice" in the homes and they "don't deserve it." Little do they know that they are Princesses and that the Creator of the universe loves them more than they could ever know and he finds them beautiful and so worthy.

The women of this ministry disciple these beautiful princesses and develop solid friendships with them. The homes always have open doors to them, they just need to be willing to leave their ways behind. The ministry opened a children's home in a more rural area, where some amazing women take care of the children of the prostitutes. The lifestyle these women are/were living in is not a safe environment for children to grow up in, needless to say. So you will find a hut that is home to at least 20 people, children and adults, right down the road leading from a major road. When you are about to turn into the property, you can hear the children screaming and running to greet you with grins that are almost bigger than their faces. There will be atleast 3 little children trying to crawl up you so you can hold them, while you are already holding one toddler, and will be saying "Mana Cait, Mana Cait, Mana Cait". That's how it was for me, and I never wished I was an octopus more in my life.

God worked in crazy ways that week! God told me in a dream, while I was still in Mexico, that in my future, he wants me to be a missionary in Mozambique for 2 years. And right when we got to South Africa I hear that I am going to Mozambique in 2 days and that I will be spending quite a bit of time there. Are you kidding me? While working with the kids, I really came alive. Not that I was alive before, the kids just gave me this sense of love and joy that I'd never experienced. In highschool I went through severe depression, and that robbed my love for children. Now I've claimed that love back, but I sometimes had trouble believing that I really received all that love back and that it was enough for me to offer to the babies and kids I meet. But during my days spent with the kids at this center, all that doubt was called out for what it is: LIES. I came to the realization on my own, and had it confirmed by several people several different times, that my love for children is very apparent and that I am good with them. I suppose this was so hard for me to believe because I'd been told that I'm not good with kids, and I used to focus in on the negative side of things. And finally, I believe that I have the love of Christ to offer to the kids I meet!

"Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy."
-Proverbs 31:8-9

Financial update!

I have $450 dollars left to raise then this trip is payed for! Praise God! I am still accepting support money, graciously! If you are interested in supporting me, you can support me online using your credit or debit card by clicking (Get this!) the "Support Me" button! Once you get there, click on "Novas Project" when it asks for what program I am in. I can't wait to see him provide like crazy for some more! The whole support raising process is such a Glorious Testimony to God!

Some prayer requests!

Please be praying that I would not be distracted by homesickness as Christmas draws nearer! It's going to be hard to keep my mind from my crazy family during this time of year!

Be praying that God would wreck me for the people I will be meeting in the near future, through market ministry, through church services, and at the orphanage I will be spending three weeks at.

Pray that God would bring me over my last financial hump of $450!

Be praying that God would continue to teach me about who I am in Him, my identity in Christ.

Please lift up the other Novas Teams in Nicaragua, Uganda, and Swaziland as they are starting their ministries and starting their journeys in these amazing countries.

Lastly, be praying that God would just shower me with confidence, that I would be able to see and feel and be drenched in the authority that was given to me!

Say "Hi" to 50 cent for me

Fri, 4 Dec 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Yup, you heard that right. "Say 'Hi' to 50 cent for me" was one of the first things we heard from the South Africans on our way to Nelspruit, South Africa over a week ago. That statement really started the wheels moving in my head. Is 50 cent, the rapper, what people in South Africa relate us to? Is that what America has become? In my short time being in this country my eyes have been opened to racism, stereotypes, corruption, and poverty on all new levels. I didn't expect to not see these things, I just didn't expect for them to be so dominant and so noticeable in such a short period of time.

Racism. As soon as we stepped out of the airport, it was everywhere. I keep thinking back to the weekend before we left Mexico, and what Tag said about racism in South Africa. The black culture's instinct is to serve white people, it's what has been taught to them. For example, if you invite a friend over who is black and you invite him to your house and he sees a mess...he will go and clean up your mess because he thinks that is expected of him. Something I encountered last week while in Mozambique was the women at the children's center not understanding that we were serving them. We were digging a hole to make a sandpit for the kids, and they came up and took the shovels and hoe out of our hands and started digging for us...not understanding that they weren't meant to do that work, that it was for us to do for them. I saw it while hopping on a van to Nelspruit. There were some black men helping my team and I get our luggage into the Coombie (the vans that are EVERYWHERE in this region of Africa) and the driver of our Coombie was white and treated those men like they were trash. Racism is very much still alive, even in South Africa.

Stereotypes. This will happen to you if you go outside of the US and visit any country with a slower and weaker economy and a higher poverty rate, but merchants would follow my team around because we are white and "have money". I'm starting to see what other countries see when they look at me and see that I am from America. They think Hollywood, money, and PB&J sandwiches. As far as Hollywood goes, the people have a skewed view of Americans because all they see is the glamor and money in the movies that are played here. I had a short conversation with one of the men who does yard work at the Betor House, his name is Kenneth, on my first full day in South Africa. I went over to him to offer him an m&m and we got to chatting. He asked where I was from, and I answered Philadelphia because no one would ever know where in the world Limerick is. After saying that, he started talking about Will Smith and his favorite movie with Will Smith in it: The Pursuit of Hapiness. Last Saturday, we went to the market in Mozambique and stopped in this adorable ice cream shop to get a snack. 50 cent's music video from several years ago was playing, and he was rapping about being a "pimp." Is that what the people here think of Americans? That we treat our women poorly, that all the men are pimps, and that we literally throw money around like it grows on trees? I can see where they are coming from, because those things are a reality in the States. I sure hope not everyone thinks that about the US, but the sad reality is that is the stereotype.

Corruption. Since the World Cup is being held in various cities in South Africa the summer of 2010, including Nelspruit, major changes are taking place. They are building a huge mall, twice the size of the already big mall that is here. This, plus other scenarios, is going to cause major economic problems for this country because after the World Cup craze is over, they are going to have the bill for the constructing the mall, tons of stores, tons of merchandise, hundreds of workers, and no one to shop at these stores and buy anything. There are not enough people here with enough income to spend money at a mall to keep it running post World Cup. One thing that bothers me and really ignites the fire in my being is that the South African government legalized prostitution especially for the World Cup. If that isn't corruption, please tell me what is.

Poverty. My first couple days here, I had the amazing privilege, by the grace of God, to visit Mozambique. (There will most definitely be a blog specifically about the time I spent there, but I need to include this right now to get my point across.) When people think about Africa, they think of poverty. Mozambique is the poorest country in the continent. They have the highest poverty rate, they have the highest unemployment rate, and have the highest rate of people who are forced to rely on the government for money and survival. While at the children's village on the last day, we saw some God stories take place, which I will go into more detail in my next blog (stay tuned!), in the form of food. There were some visitors that brought the children and the women who take care of them pizza. For most of the kids, and most of the women, this was the first time they'd ever ate or seen pizza. It was so precious to see the kids eat the pizza, because they didn't know how! And another person donated meat to them. This is pretty major! The missionary that was hosting us, Amy, has been working/teaching at the center since April, and since she has been here they have not eaten meat. The women danced and cheered when Amy told them what was being given them: The first red meat they've received in 9 months.

Financial update!

Some prayer requests!

Please be praying that I would not be distracted by homesickness as Christmas draws nearer! It's going to be hard to keep my mind from my crazy family during this time of year!

Be praying that God would wreck me for the people I will be meeting in the near future, through market ministry, through church services, and at the orphanage I will be spending three weeks at.

Pray that God would bring me over my last financial hump of $450!

Be praying that God would continue to teach me about who I am in Him, my identity in Christ.

Please lift up the other Novas Teams in Nicaragua, Uganda, and Swaziland as they are starting their ministries and starting their journeys in these amazing countries.

Lastly, be praying that God would just shower me with confidence, that I would be able to see and feel and be drenched in the authority that was given to me!

I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might show you My power and that My name might be proclaimed in all the earth. -Exodus 9:16

'Rrhea Island

Sat, 21 Nov 2009 00:00:00 GMT

This past week was outreach week for us Novas kids! All 5 teams went to different towns in Mexico and did ministry and were there from Saturday through Friday...except for 2. My South Africa team and the Swaziland team went to the Island of Love which is an hour or so from the Gateway. All 10 of us and Eleazar (our friend and translator) were staying in this little room that was a house, with 5 beds. We did a lot of different things to help out the people from this island town, like play with kids, preach in the mission churches, preach in the church that we were coming to do ministry for, renovate a church, construct a building for the children to have Sunday school (instead of meeting at a bench under a tree), and got 11 cases of E.Coli.

The family that was hosting us taught me a lot about the Kingdom of God, perhaps more than I learned while I was training at the Gateway. The pastor and his wife, Pastor Leonel and Sister Ester, did not charge us a dime to come and stay with them. They didn't ask that we bring enough food to feed us for the whole week. Nothing. She asked if we could bring a sack of rice, beans, flour, and sugar, which we did. When we got to the island, she didn't use that food to feed her family or our teams, she gave it all away to the community she lived in. With one sack of each of those items she was able to bless 3 churches. How is that different than here in America? In America, nothing is free. Almost everyone lives to help out just themselves and their families. But what I learned on this island is that that it is certainly not like that all over the world, and it certainly should not be like that in the first place. Jesus calls us to serve...and we translate to serving only while on a missions trip or at a church activity, not in real life.

Parents, have you ever noticed that when you come home from the grocery store with your car full of shopping bags that your kids miraculously have to use the bathroom, or are complaining their butts off about how they had to, "stop doing their homework," or "missed the best part of the TV show?" I am positive that we are all guilty of this, I know for a fact I have done that countless times, but spending the short amount of time that I did on this island helped me realize how selfish I have become. The day we came onto the island and were taking our daypacks and pillows off the boat, dozens of townspeople came to help us bring our stuff back to where we were staying. Most of those people came running, literally. And, no, they weren't doing this so they could steal our stuff. They did this because they genuinely love to serve. Have I been keeping that attitude? No. Have you been keeping that attitude? You'll have to answer that for yourself. Something I learned in Mexico was that it is a privilege to be able to serve God. A privilege!

Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men, because you know that the Lord will reward everyone for whatever good he does, whether he is slave or free. -Ephesians 6:7-8

Think back to when you were a child and you saw your Mother in the kitchen baking cookies and you wanted so badly to help her make them! Why did you want to help her? Because you love her! And your Mother more than likely said, "Yes, I would love your help, sweetie!" Even though our parents accepted our offers to help them, it would have been loads easier for them to decline the offer because we made things more messy and difficult. But she said yes because she loves you. This is just like our relationship with God, our Father. We want to help him, by sharing the Good News and bringing Him glory, because we love Him. But it would be way easier if God declined our offer because we mess up everything since we are so sinful. God accepts our offer to help Him and His kingdom because he loves us!

Endure hardship as a discipline;God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined, then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. -Hebrews 12:7-8

This eagerness to serve was really a paradigm shift for me. Everyone loved to serve! The children loved to swing us in the hammocks, the women loved to cook our food, the townspeople at the missions church brought us food, the fishermen gave us beautiful seashells. They have such beautiful hearts, just like the heart of Jesus.

Now, let me explain the title of the blog...and part of the first paragraph. While we were at the island, every single person got E. Coli, except the people who live there. Me and another girl got it first, the first day we got there, and stopped eating. Therefore, our case was not as bad as the 9 other people's. But, we got it anyway. On Wednesday night, everybody's E. Coli worsened, and we went through more than 4 rolls of toilet paper in a period of about 8 hours. Some people were vomiting, some people had fevers, but everyone had diarrhea. Many people pooped their pants, had to leave their underwear in the out house hole, had to take care of the business in non out houses because there was no way they could hold it, were forced to use soiled toilet paper, and fell out of outhouses, toilet paper in hand and pants around the ankles. We came to the agreement, at 6:30 on Thursday morning, that we needed to get out promptly and go to the hospital. We were off that island by 8:00 and back in America at the hospital at 10:00 am. Every single person got a shot in the butt and a bunch of prescriptions, myself included. Unfortunately I had to spend a whole month's worth of budgeted spending money, $150, on this medicine. Thankfully everyone is feeling healthy since we got the antibiotics and shots! So the chances are slim that we will be hogging up the airplane bathrooms on our way to Africa.

Oh yeah, Africa! I am leaving for Africa in 2 days from today. Isn't that crazy! I can't really fathom it. I feel like it has been a mere dream that I've had for the past 15 months, and now it's happening? I feel so blessed that God is sending me to a place like South Africa. This is probably going to sound silly, but it still amazes me that God called me to Africa, because it is not something that I would have chosen for myself. It was all part of His amazing, perfect, and intricate plans for my life! It just blows my mind and makes me so excited for the rest of my life!

In my previous blog, I mentioned how I needed $1200 more to have this trip payed off. Over the past week, God has provided so greatly! This morning I am only in need of $550! And something that I have been reflecting on is this: We believe that God created the universe, and that He is bringing us eternal life in Heaven...but it is so hard to believe that God can perform miracles. Miracles like healing and prophesy and spiritual languages. But, why is that? I certainly don't know, but I am trying not to be that person. I don't want to put God in a box.

I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. -Mark 11:24

I believed, and still do believe, that God will provide the money for me to go to South Africa because He called me to it, and because He is faithful. Since I developed the, "With God all things are possible," mindset, the Lord has provided. And I am not saying that I didn't believe that prior to this, but I honestly had a few worries that I wouldn't raise all the money that I needed. Right as soon as I surrendered those worries to God, he has taken them away and put $700 in my support account in about a week's time! And I still do want to encourage you to support me, and to serve me. $550 is a small financial hump, and I am excited for God to flatten that out for me! If you feel motivated, willing, able, or called to financially support me, you can click on the "Support Me!" tab on the side of this page. There you can decide how much you would like to support.

I feel like I have already thanked all of you for this already, but I want to thank you again! Thank you so much for walking through this journey with me through Mexico, and soon to be, Mexico! Thank you so much for your prayers, your love, your encouraging words, and your financial support. This little paragraph does not give what I am trying to say justice at all, but maybe you will understand how intensely I mean this if you multiply it 1000 x's!!!

Boat=our sole mode of transportation on the island. It was actually really cold, which is not what you would expect at an island in Mexico! Here we are on our way to construct the Sunday school building at one of the mission churches.

Team South Africa, Team Swaziland, Eleazar, Pastor Leonel, Sister Ester, Emanuel, and some other members of the church celebrating Garrett's and Sister Ester's birthday. We celebrated their birthdays 3 and 4 days early because we went to a house this day that actually had an oven! There wasn't an oven here, so we had to be very resourceful. The cake was fantastic! Pastor Leonel and Sister Ester sang the famous and super long Mexican Happy Birthday song to Garrett and all of us, it was a lot of fun!

El Portel- Photo blog parte 1

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Hello World,

Ever since I arrived in Mexico I have been promising pictures. Well...it's time! I finally have pictures to post, and a decent amount of time to post them! This is the first photo blog, and there might be one or two more of these in the near future. So, keep your eye open for updates! I hope you enjoy these pictures!

This is one of the many beautiful sunsets I have the privelege of seeing quite often. Isn't our God so good to us, that he would paint the sky so beautifully for us almost every night?

This past week my team learned how to do construction. We made the basic structure of a house, and did this with minimal supplies (We got less supplies than was needed to complete the structure). In this picture Myles is sitting on top of our "home's" structure nailing on pieces of wood to make an angle for the roof. Garrett is holding the house just in case our rusted nails and poor supplies decide to fall apart. I am holding the wood and nails to give to Myles.

Happy Birthday, Myles!!! We asked him what he wanted for his birthday, and he said he wanted a "supermodel wife," so that is what we got him! Bryan dressed up like a model and we dressed him up and gave him to Myles as a present. This is just a preview of the humor and love there is here.

Claire, Me, and JB dancing in the rain during one of the many crazy rain storms we get here in Mexico! This storm had been brewing all day and when it finally started, it was craziness. The rain hurt, but it was just so much fun to run around in it with people you love!

Us hand mixing cement in Matamoros. We hand mixed all the cement, rocks, sand, and water to make enough concrete to make the roof for a house we have been working on. We did this all in the street, as you can see. It's so different from America, not using ready mix concrete or a concrete truck.

This picture was taken the week that Camp Holder came down to Mexico to teach us about Organic Gardening. He is a fantastic man, and gardener. Here, we were digging in Gilbert's (the awesome guy that cooks for us) garden to gather earth worms. For future reference, don't ever kill worms! They are amazing creatures!

My team and a couple other teams spent all day shoveling this massive pile of dirt into wheel barrels and wheeling dirt into a house to make the floor. All of this dirt compacted 10 inches of dirt in a small two room home.

A group shot of all of us sitting and standing on the sidewalk that was covered with the massive dirt pile that is pictures above!

Some of us at the Brownsville Zoo for our day off!

Everyone in the "Ice Box." We spend a lot of time in this little concrete room because it is the coldest room on the campus. In this picture we are all getting together for a movie night that we have every Friday night. But we have our daily lessons in here, we do worship in this room, send people in here when they are sick and can't stand the heat of the Girl's room, take naps, read, play games, just about everything!

So hopefully these pictures will satisfy you until my next photo blog! I understand that a lot of these pictures are of us just goofing around and not many are of us doing ministry. That is because when we do ministry, we are too busy interacting to take photos and because it's such an American thing to come in and start snapping photos of ourselves with an orphan whose name we will never remember. There will be photos of my "adopted family" coming soon, and later on pictures from my upcoming outreach

On November 14th, my team will be leaving the Gateway and heading to our first official outreach. This outreach is about 2 hours away in a little Mexican island village called the Island of Love. We will be there for a week doing ministry, and seeing how things will run while we are in South Africa. This village has no running water or electricity, and there will be my team and the Swaziland team all squished in one room/house. It is going to be an experience, that's for sure. Deffinatley be keeping my team and I in your prayers as we approach the outreach and while we are there. This is a picture of my team, the pastor and his wife, our friend and translator Eleazor, and a little girl that already has be wrapped around her finger!

In 2 weeks I will be starting my ministry in South Africa! It is so exciting, and I can't believe it is finally here! I've been waiting for over a year to follow God to Africa, and it is time to go there with Him! It is such a beautiful thing. So far, the Lord has blessed me with around $9000. That money has come from my job, some savings, and all of you!!! On the flipside, I need to raise $1200 by December 1st. So I am asking that you would prayerfully consider supporting me financially. If you already have supported me financially, I thank you so much from the bottom of my heart, but I want to give you the opportunity to give again from your own heart. On the left sid of this page there is a tab of options, and one of these options reads, "Support Me." It's that easy...all you have to do is click that and follow the directions! I've heard people on my team call themselves "investments for the Kingdom of God." Crazy, awesome, God things are happening here, and it is all for the Kingdom of God. Someone told me the other day that when I came here I was like a hill, but I've grown into a mountain. I'm not sure if I really got the whole "investments for the Kingdom of God" thing right, but hopefully you can see what I mean by reading my blogs. And I know that if the Lord has given me $9000, then $1200 will not be a problem.

Thank you guys for your prayers since I have left home. I can feel them here in Mexico, and like I have said before, the Lord is answering your prayers. I hope that you have enjoyed walking with me so far on this journey through Mexico, and I look forward to walking through this journey in South Africa with you in the future.

Come and die

Tue, 3 Nov 2009 00:00:00 GMT

"I want them to be where I am."

Last Sunday, all of us Novas got together and "did church." All of us were feeling weird. Comfortable. Restless. Apathetic. Needless to say, none of us were really happy with where we were at mentally or spiritually. All of us speaking up about this really started the ball rolling. That week we were planning on learning about Simplicity. Living simply. On Monday night, Jesse (one of the leaders) gave a lesson about the cost of discipleship. Novas translates to "new way" and this trip is designed for us to find a new way. Adventures in Missions strives to help develop radically committed disciples. Us being at a spot where we are tired of doing ministry in Mexico, wanting to leave for our outreach countries, and not getting any closer with the Father is not a place you want to find yourself. So, some things really changed. First, I want to go into what the lesson Jesse gave us was about. This is pretty much going to be a discipleship checklist (at least, that's how I thought about it) and it is going to be straight scripture.

"Any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple."- Luke 14:33

"If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters- yes, even his own life- he cannot be my disciple. And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple." -Luke 14:26-27

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." -Matthew 22:37

"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." -John 13:34

In your hearts, set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect. -1 Peter 3:15

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit;apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples."- John 15:5-8

"If anyone is ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when He comes in his glory of the Father and of the holy angels." -Luke 9:26

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it."-Luke 9:23-24

"If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples." -John 8:31

"When Christ calls a man, he bids him, "come and die."

The morning after we had this lesson, we were woken up at 5:00 am by the leaders and were told to dress warm and that we had 5 minutes before we left for the day. This morning was the start to something very special, and life changing. Instead of learning about simplicity by sitting down in a circle in a cement room and discussing it, we lived it out. We lived like Jesus. Not just the kind of living like Jesus where you ask yourself, constantly, "What Would Jesus Do?", but the kind of living where you live by what Jesus did in the gospels. We literally picked things out of the gospels, and applied it to how we spent our days.

Jesus got up very early and prayed........"go into to the towns and preach"..."Do not waste a thing"..."you give them something to eat"...when you have a banquet invite the poor, those who cannot pay you back...

A passage that myself, and quite a few other people, possibly every Novas student, lived off of during that week was found in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

We took this in a literal sense. We were very weak. We were skipping meals. Eating severely reduced portions at meals. Going to bed very late at night. Waking up while it was still dark out. Waking up in the middle of the night to pray with a small group of people. By the end of it, we all were living out "my power is made perfect in weakness" and "When I am weak, then I am strong." God made us strong. There is no way we should have been able to do the ministry that we were able to do, but God had grace on us and supplied us with that energy.

I started to write in detail the awesome things that God did over the week...but it would be impossible to put it into words, and even if I tried, it would be so long that no one would want to read it! (Actually, I began to write about the first day, and it took up a page! So I deleted it and am summarizing everything for you!) Now, I am going to just list here some of the highlights. Things that changed my attitude. My behavior. The way I see God.

While doing ministry in an all Spanish speaking community, God provided for my little speaking Spanish team. He supplied us with a translator...out of no where! This guy just walked up to us, bible in hand, and said he he was going to translate for us!

One afternoon I was feeling really discouraged with me and my team's small Spanish vocabulary. I was frustrated that we couldn't hold a decent conversation with the family that graciously let us into their home. As this discouragement was really hitting me, hundreds of little monarch butterflies flew overhead. As they were flying over top of me and my team, the thought that was popping into my mind was, "I love you. I am everywhere. I am going to be there with you, and for you, always." This was a paradigm shift for me.

One night, we were heading out into the city to do an ATL and give out food to hungry people. Someone felt like we should go into the plaza in Matamoros, so the South Africa, Swaziland, and Uganda 1 team headed there. We arrived at the plaza and prayed for God to guide us and be with us throughout the night, and right after we lifted our heads and unlinked our hands, this man walks by. This guy is holding a poster with little pictures of scientists and pictures of evolution. He said he was trying to figure out where we came from, and other intellectual things. We invited him to hang out with us the rest of the night and see what we are about. Turns out his parents are Jehovah Witnesses, and problems linking to that is why he doesn't agree with religion. He said the church is so corrupt, and doesn't see why he should be a part of it. We went into that more, and he asked so many questions! But by the end of the night, he had written down everyone's names that had come into the plaza to give out food on the poster of how the world works, one of the girls who came with that night gave him a bible and he asked us to pray for him that he would run into more Christians like us.

Earlier that night, before we left the gateway to do ATL's and give out food, Garrett (a guy on my team) went into his room to get his backpack and something really strange happened. When he walked into his room, he was suddenly obsessed with his speakers. And after pondering this for a good while, the Lord put it on his heart to bring the speakers with him. When we got into the plaza where we were going to be ministering, his eyes went straight to the middle of the park. There is this place in the middle of it with stairs that holds a lot of events. The same guy that Garrett had been break dancing with the Friday before was sitting there. We went up to him and started chatting, and asked him if he would dance for us. He said he didn't have speakers with him. So, we pulled out the speakers that the Lord knew we would need and played music and him and another boy danced around. This guy ended up eating with us, taking pictures with us, and spending the whole night with us, even though none of us knew fluent Spanish.

That same night, some of the girls met a guy named Kevin. He was a very interesting character. I'm not sure how much of what I talked to him about was true or not, because he lied about a lot of things, but that's beside the point. When I went over to talk to him, some girls cautioned me because he said the reason he was in Mexico was because he killed the man his wife was cheating on him with. He fled the country. I was somehow intrigued by that. Not because I am trying to put myself in danger, but because I'd never really had a conversation with someone like that. And I wanted to know that I loved everyone...even people who took other people's lives. I learned that I do love those people! I could see that other people were having trouble hanging out with him because some of the things he said were "crazy," but I stayed with him because I wanted to bring Jesus into the conversation. I talked with him for at least an hour about everything. I was able to bring the conversation back when a huge cockroach crawled by. He was saying how old they were and how they evolved from these other kinds of insects. FINALLY! My bridge to talking about Jesus was formed! We talked for a long time about creation, Jesus, the bible, and the church. In fact, we never finished talking because we had to leave. I do believe that we planted a seed in his heart, and that talking to him really made my heart grow to a new unimaginable size.

Those are 5 of the biggest things that happened in chronological order. Those testimonies took place over 2 days. There were so many other things that happened during those 2 days, and so many other great things that happened during the rest of the week. God really taught me so many things, and He really grew in my eyes. I don't think I'll ever go back to the life I had before, not living like Jesus. It just feels too great to be living like this, and I'm closer to Jesus than I ever have been in my whole life.

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. -Jeremiah 29:13

Flowerpot, anyone?

Sun, 25 Oct 2009 00:00:00 GMT

I know I have been breaking my every Wednesday blogging habit, but I am sure you will forgive me. This blog is going to be going off of what my last blog was about (Ask and it will be given to you). In that blog I was discussing what I learned about prayer. I also requested all of you guys to pray for my team and I as we did ATL's (Ask The Lord) in Matamoros, Mexico. The Lord answered those prayers.

I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. -Mark 11:24

We started off that morning's ministry when my leaders Blair and Becks dropped us off outside of the Coppel store at the mall in Matamoros. My team and I stepped out of the van with our "sister team", Swaziland (I call them that because my team and the Swaz team are together often for discussions and things of that sort). Immediately, we started "asking the Lord" where to go. So it was Jenny, Rebecca, Myles, Garrett, and I all praying...in a parking lot. Myles got a vision of a bench. Garrett was feeling like we need to walk around. I got a vision of a flower pot. We all then entered the mall and were ready to walk in the Spirit.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight. -Proverbs 3:5-6

We walked in and none of us were really getting anything from the Spirit so we sat down and prayed again. This time we prayed out loud and for each other. I don't remember most of what I prayed for, but I do remember specifically praying for this, "God, please make yourself so obvious to me that I would have to be a fool not to see you." From there, we just walked around letting the Spirit guide our steps. Garret turned into this Mexican/Asian/Egyptian store and the rest of my team turned in there to look around. I walked in last since I was praying and walking at the same time, and trying very hard not to trip over my feet.. When I did walk in the store my jaw dropped and I stopped dead in my tracks. On a table in the middle of the store was the flower pot from my vision! I didn't know what to make of this. Did God want me to pray for the store clerk? Was there someone who was going to come in the store He wanted me to speak to? What was the purpose of this vision? After walking around this little shop for 10 minutes, my team felt it was time to go. I went with them and concluded that me finding the flower pot was just a coincidence. Not even five seconds after stepping out of the store, a wave of nausea came over me. I wasn't going to literally vomit, but it was the same feeling as that...but without the feeling that something was going to fly from my stomach onto the tile of the mall. I looked for the closest bench to sit down and let the feeling pass. Notice that I looked for a bench. I discussed what just happened with my team and we decided that I needed to buy the flower pot. After making that decision, the wave of nausea passed. This nausea being dismissed was a work of God. God giving me this unpleasant feeling that got my attention was Him answering my prayer. "God, please make yourself so obvious to me that I would have to be a fool to not see you." I would have to be a fool to not see how the Lord worked there. God gave me the vision, and I didn't follow His lead. I asked Him to make Himself obvious to me, and when I didn't follow where He lead, he made me physically feel sick to get my attention and to remind me to listen to Him.

Ask and it will be given to you. Seek and you will find. Knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives. He who seeks finds. And to him who knocks, the door will be opened. -Matthew 7:7-8

Now, the question was, "What do I do with this flower pot?" After my team and I discussed this matter, we all felt the Spirit was wanting us to give it to someone. So we walked around for a half hour letting the Spirit guide our eyes, ears, steps, and thoughts. I was praying a lot, asking for God to show me who this gift was for. During that time, He put John 3:16 on my heart to put , subtly, on the bottom of the flower pot. "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." I know this is quite possibly the most quoted bible verse in our society, but it is not necessarily like that all over the world. To a little girl, like Naomi, she might not know of Juan 3:16, and she probably didn't know just HOW MUCH God loved us. Naomi was the girl I gave the flower pot to. As we were actually on our way to leaving the mall, we found Naomi. I was in the back of the team again, trying to multitask praying, walking, and eating a snack. Garrett was letting the Spirit lead his steps and was therefore leading our team. He turned around to tell me what what just happened...that Naomi was the girl I needed to give the flower pot to. The girl the Lord needed me to give the flower pot to. Considering that my Spanish is terrible...you can assume the conversation didn't go far. But, when I said to her "para tu" (which probably was not correct Spanish either), she had the most innocent, yet joyful and thrilled smile on her face. All the running around, anxiety about what to do with flower pot, and the uncomfortable feelings were all worth it to see that smile. Now, I don't know what happened with Naomi and I don't know much about her. I do hope that the flower pot benefited her in some way. There is no doubt in my mind that the Lord did great things and will do great things through that small flower pot.

Cait Evangelista (Me), Rebecca Florke, Jenny Christensen, Garrett Berkley, Myles Long

The day after the whole flower pot thing took place, my team and I discussed future ATL and how it is going to work. We are the smallest team out of the whole Nova's Project, and each of us have something different that the Holy Spirit gives us. These gifts the Lord has equipped us with are so powerful and all different. Some of us are still developing these gifts, some are improving these gifts, some are learning to use these gifts. And it has only been one month on this trip! Imagine how much stronger these gifts will be when we are ministering in South Africa? Imagine how great of an impact we will have when all 5 of us have discovered our gifts, and learned to trust them?

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. -Jeremiah 29:13

I want to challenge you. Earlier this week, during one of our lessons in the evening, we did something that really reminded me just how big God is. We were naming things that are amazing and intricate and weird and crazy that God created. Wind. Babies. Our five senses. Music. The perfect placement of the earth. The details on flowers. Giraffes. Our immune system. How all people have different DNA. Our brain sending signals to our hands to move. The one that really got me was Space. God created space...which holds the Earth, the solar system, our galaxy, stars, other space-related things that I don't know anything about, and an amount of space that literally has no end. God created this, and is bigger than this. God is bigger than space-which never, ever, ever ends. I can not fathom it. I don't think we really give God the credit he deserves. My challenge to you is to spend time writing down the amazing and intricate things that God created. Things that there is no way it could be by coincidence it exists or works the way it does. A new kind of worshiping the Lord! I hope this exercise will help you to see how great God is and how big He is! You might not have en epiphany like I did, but you will see the Creator of heaven and earth in a whole new way!

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. -James 1:17

Ask and it will be given to you

Tue, 20 Oct 2009 00:00:00 GMT

"Real prayer is life creating and life changing" -Richard J. Foster

Here in Mexico, we have been doing a lot of reading. We have been reading Exiles (where we learn to live missionally in a post-christian culture), Crabgrass & Oak Trees (discussing the Church as a whole in today's world), Across The Spectrum (a text book where we explore issues in Evangelical Theology), and Celebration of Discipline (where we are starting to walk the path of spiritual growth). In the Celebration of Discipline book, there are a dozen disciplines that are discussed, or will be discussing. This week, we are working on prayer. Before reading this chapter, I thought I knew a lot about prayer. I was dead wrong. As I go back through this chapter, I see how wrong I was about so many different topics and in how many ways my eyes were opened. But, before I get to that, I want to go into why I feel this is blog-worthy.

My first time experiencing God was when I was fifteen years old, through prayer. At that time I was in deep depression and I was reading some of my darkest poetry to God as a cry for help. For the first time in my life, I heard God speak to me. It was amazing. I'm not going to go into detail on that because it doesn't really go along with the point I am trying to make. And then another instance was when I first started going to North Pointe Community Church at the age of 16. This was one of the first times I'd been to this church, and the youth pastor's lesson was "prayer." And he gave an example of an intense God moment/prayer experience. He was driving home from college and God suddenly put it on his heart to pray for 2 of his friends who were married. A couple months later, he found out that those friends were having problems in the marriage a couple months earlier. Coincidence? I think not! His prayer experience really opened me up, somehow. I can't give credit to my youth pastor for that one, it was all the Father!!!

I learned a lot about prayer from this chapter, like I mentioned earlier. I am going to mention some things that impacted me, and some things that I think and hope will impact you as well!

Have you ever wondered what the point was in praying for something when you know that everything in the universe is already set and cannot be changed? Paul states in 1 Corinthians 3:9 that we are working with God to determine the outcome of events. We are co-laborers with God! That makes me really excited!!! The Bible talks about, and gives examples of, the openness of the universe and how God is constantly changing his mind in agreement with his unchanging love. Some examples of God changing his mind include Exodus 32:14 and Jonah 3:10. If we, as children of God, have the power to, through power, change God's mind...why don't we pray over everything? That is not implying that God is constantly out to get us or anything along those lines. I'm only saying that you don't need to feel silly praying for silly things. Just a week ago, I prayed with my leader, Becks, about how I had been having trouble sleeping. We prayed for the bed bugs to go away, for me not to get too hot while I slept, to not have bad dreams, and for my hair to not get stuck in my fan I slept with. And I slept through the whole night and woke up with no bed bugs. God is our Father! Haven't you ever ran to your Dad because their was a spider in the bathroom? We should not hesitate to bring the simplest requests to the Father with confidence!

Have you ever wondered why you can pray for something over and over, but your request is never granted? Here is an example from Celebration of Discipline, "If we turn on our television set and it does not work, we do not declare that there are no such things as electronic frequencies in the air or on the cable. We assume something is wrong, something we can find and correct. We check the plug, switch, circuitry until we discover what is blocking the flow of this mysterious energy that transmits pictures. We know the problem has been found and fixed by seeing whether or not the TV works. It is the same with prayer." What that exerpt from the book is trying to say is, sometimes the reason prayers are not answered is because we are praying wrongly. Maybe something inside us needs to change, or we need to learn patience and persistence. The possibilities are endless. The Father is always trying to teach us something, even while we are talking to him! To fix this problem, we need to listen to the Father, make adjustments and apply what we learned, and try again. Then we can know that our prayers are being answered, since it will be as obvious as a TV set working.

Sometimes we pray and pray and pray to God for something, but nothing ever happens and we wonder where God is. God isn't ignoring us, rather we are ignoring God. We are not "tuned" in to God. "Listening to the Lord is the first thing, the second thing, and the third thing necessary for successful intercession." We need to begin praying for people after we quiet what is going on in our mind and listen to what the Spirit is telling us. I know that might seem nearly impossible at times if you don't know what the Spirit sounds like...but if you know and love Jesus and are Saved by him, you already have this voice inside you and He is waiting to be heard.

So there are really many more things that I learned about prayer, but those are some that stuck out to me more than others. And the whole reason I am choosing this week's blog entry to be related to prayer is because of something that happened this past Friday. We had this awesome guy, Camp Holder, staying with us at the Gateway all last week. He came from Chattanooga, Tennessee to teach us about organic gardening and composting, and things of that sort. He started an organic garden at his church a year ago, and it is striving. This garden used to be a softball field, but now it produces tons of crops that they give to the community for free. (Whenever I post a blog full of pictures, I will post pictures of him, what he taught us, what we did with him, and his garden back home.) He left us on Friday to go home. Before he left the Gateway, all of us Novas participants prayed for him. It was incredible. I could literally feel God moving through Us and through Camp. After each of us prayed, we could feel the intensity and feel the tremors as God moved through us, and through Camp as well. It's almost like when you walk into a room where people have been worshiping, and you can feel the heaviness of God before you even start worshiping. It's just simply amazing. And that is our God. Isn't it great when he shows up like that, and blesses us with His presence?

So, I've got some details for all of you, loves! My team and I will be leaving on an outreach trip on November 14^th and getting back on November 20^th. We have the option of serving in the Harlingen, Texas area or the Matamoros, Mexico area. My team and I haven't made any definite plans yet, but soon we will have this all planned out. This is sort of like practice, but the real deal, for our outreach in South Africa. Please be praying that God will guide our steps in the process of planning this outreach. Also, my team and I will be doing ATL's (Ask The Lord) this week in Matamoros. Please be praying, as well, that God will be directing us to where He needs us, to where His children need us.

Ask and it will be given to you. Seek and you will find. Knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives. He who seeks finds. And to him who knocks, the door will be opened. -Matthew 7:7-8

Beloved

Thu, 15 Oct 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Love of my life
Look deep in my eyes
There you will find what you need
I'm the giver of life
I'll clothe you in white
My immaculate bride you will be
Come running home to me
You're my beloved
Lover I'm yours
and Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
Our Love it unites us
and it binds you to me

This song is "Beloved" by Tenth Avenue North. I guess this might seem like a trend...where I post lyrics to a song and then dissect them. This isn't that kind of blog. There is a story that goes along with this. But it is more appropriately called a God Story.

On Sundays here in Mexico, we don't go to "church." This is mainly because the area we are living in is not like America, where we are packed in like sardines. If we went to the local church we would destroy them because of how small the church building is. We aren't ignoring the Sabbath or anything like that, so don't be worried! A lot of what we do is rest in Him, be still, worship, solitude, speak life, and other things. "From Him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work" Ephesians 4:16. The biggest thing for me, personally, is speaking truth. Every single time someone does this for me, I cry...I can guarantee it. Something about God speaking to someone else on my behalf because I am too hard headed to hear Him makes me very emotional. It's not necessarily the part where I can't hear what God needs me to know on my own that brings out the water works. Just that God is going out of his way for ME! I cannot fathom that! Our God is SO big, and yet He is going to someone else just to tell me, a sinner, something that I'm not able to hear out of my ignorance and lack of faith? I would totally go on and on about that, but I might freak you out or bore you to death.

This past Sunday, we started out the day with solitude...we, including everyone but me. I somehow slept through breakfast and 20 girls going in and out of our room. After all of that happened, we started worship. We did a new kind of worship this time. In addition to singing and praising and playing guitar, we worshiped God through art! There were colored pencils, sharpies, markers, colored paper, computer paper, and other art utensils all spread on the floor of the room. A couple songs into this worship time, I brought a teammate of mine aside and asked her if she wanted to make hemp bracelets. I bought alphabet beads the day before when we visited America (I love being able to say "visit" about my country where I am a citizen). Anyway, I felt God whispering the word "beloved" in my ear but I didn't know why. I chose to put that word on my hemp bracelet since it was put on my heart. The interesting part about it is that I don't know what beloved means in the biblical sense. I obviously know that it means to be loved, but at the time I wasn't fully aware of what kind of love God means when he calls us His Beloved. And God took my leap of faith (me putting a word on a bracelet to wear around everyday, all day, that I didn't understand) and used that to teach me, amaze me, and to speak life to me.

After my bracelet was all complete and tied on my wrist, something amazing happened. I went to the bathroom to wash up and for some reason I wanted to have my i-pod for this procedure, which takes about 5 minutes. I turned it on and pressed play and guess what song goes on? Beloved by Tenth Avenue North. I had never listened to that song before, and it started from the very beginning of the song which hardly ever happens because of the way I turn it on. Did that really just happen? Yes, it did really happen! This is what we, Novas participants, appropriately call a "God Story."

This might not seem as huge to some of you as it seems to me. I have always had difficulties with believing that God loves me, and how much if that. But after this idiot-proof encounter with God, I really am starting to understand it and believe it. This song by Tenth Avenue North just about perfectly illustrates the Father's love for us! And because all this happened, I took the initiative to look further into us being God's Beloved in the bible. Song of Songs, although sometimes awkward, is all about us being His Beloved and His amazing love for us. Deuteronomy 33:12 does a swell job at describing this love: "May the Beloved of the Lord rest secure in Him, for He shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rests between His shoulders."

So I apologize that this blog isn't about some big epic thing I did. The only epic thing going on here is the Father breaking me. That's what it's all about, right?

Praises

-Selene (my adopted Mother) was able to get an ultrasound and now knows the sex of her baby. It's a girl!!!

-God for answering my prayers about being consumed by His Spirit, and having a better sense of Him in and around me.

Requests

-I have 6 or so weeks to raise $1600, which is when I will be in South Africa. I know that God will provide the way for this support to come in, I just need people to be perceptive to what God is putting on their heart and realize that things will be okay financially if they send in money on my behalf. Me being here in Mexico and going to South Africa is part of His plan. Me needing to raise a little over $1500 while I am not in the country is part of His plan. The Church and Christ's body supporting missionaries is part of His plan, too. God knew that the economy would be hurting now, but still He is sending me away. The money will come in, it's just a matter of people stepping up. Please be praying that this will all come together in time.

-Selene has been having stomach problems the past week, and has spent a day in the hospital. The doctor's are asking her to stay in bed and get a lot of rest, but with how she lives that is next to impossible. Please be praying that God will be protecting her the next month or so of her pregnancy, and that the baby girl will stay healthy.

Goals

-I would really like to gain more confidence. Confidence in myself as a spiritual leader for other people, confidence in who I am in my team, and confidence that the Holy Spirit is working, living, and breathing inside me.

-I want to not be the girl on the sidelines. My goal is to be more outgoing and sure of myself, not afraid of what people think, and not feel awkward constantly!

*Yes, I do realize these goals are similar...it's because it is such a big and important goal to me at present!

And thank you all so much for your daily prayers! Believe me, your prayers are being answered.

Bridges

Wed, 7 Oct 2009 00:00:00 GMT

I know one day all our scars will disappear, like the stars at dawn
And all our pain will fade away when morning comes

And on that day when we look backwards we will see that everything is changed

and our trials will be as milestones on the way

And as long as we live, every scar is a bridge to someone's broken heart

And there's no greater love than that one who shed His blood for His friends

On that day all of the scales will swing to set all the wrongs to right

All of our tears and all of our fears will take to flight

But until then all of our scars will still remain, but we've learned that if we'll

Open the wounds and share them, then soon they start to heal

As long as we live, every scar is a bridge to someone's broken heart

And there's no greater love than that one shed His blood for His friends

We must see that every scar is a bridge, and as long as we live

We must open up these wounds

When someone stands in your shoes and will shed His own blood

There's no greater love, we must open up our wounds
-For miles, by Thrice

So you are probably wondering why in the world I started this blog entry with this song. This song really connected with me at training camp, and again on Monday after sharing my testimony with my South Africa team. I was introduced to this song, and one of the verses in particular, in a rather interesting way. At training camp, I was taking a shower after a very emotional and spiritual walk on a trail to surrender some difficult things to God. I wore my TWLOHA (To Write Love On Her Arms) shirt that day, and it was inside out hanging on top of the shower curtain. Sometime during my shower, I glanced over and part of what was printed inside the shirt caught my eye,"Every scar is a bridge to someone's broken heart." This was totally mind-blowing for me! I took it literally, like it was a message straight from God to me that He wanted me to walk these bridges (I still do believe this)! Problem was, I forgot that all of this happened in the first place, and I went back to my regular life where I was still not completely free from my sins. It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery -Romans 5:1.

In my life I have done things, or things have happened to me, that gave me scars. And this week those scars are being healed to an extent that I didn't think was possible. I'm finally being freed from myself! I'm realizing what parts of my story were of God, and of the enemy. What things were truth and what things were lies. My leader, Blair, had this to say to me when I told him things I believe, or believed, about myself, "God doesn't speak evil things over us. And not just out of courtesy, but because he doesn't believe these things is why he doesn't say them." And I am learning to be joyful that these things have happened to me. Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. -James 1:2-3. On another note, I am glad these things happened to me because it has made me a stronger person. A person who has compassion and the understanding to help other people, having been through it before and being able to relate. I'm not trying to make it seem like I have gone through so many terrible things and throw myself a pity party, for any means. I'm just excited that God is using my weaknesses and turning them into my strengths!

I want to dissect this song, with you, and see the biblical side of it. I think it is interesting, considering it is a secular song, and beneficial at the same time. Even if you haven't had any of the same events happen to you that have happened to me, I can guarantee that you have scars of some kind...whether they are tiny, or large. And I hope this will help you in at least the smallest way.

"And as long as we live, every scar is a bridge to someone's broken heart."

This is the message you heard from the beginning: We should love one another...We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love our brothers. Anyone who does not love remains in death.- 1 John 3:11-14

"And our trials will be as milestones on the way"

Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trials you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. -1 Peter 4:12-14

"And there's no greater love than that one who shed His blood for friends."

Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. -Romans 5:7-8

"Open the wounds and share them, then soon they start to heal."

Therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other, so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. -James 5:16

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness.
-2 Timothy 3:16

The gateway to the rest of my life

Wed, 30 Sep 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Friends and Family,

I have survived my 1^st week on the mission field! I don't mean survive as in stay alive, I mean survive as in not cracking under pressure and wanting to come home! So far we have done some pretty awesome, yet challenging, things and we have only completed 3 days of ministry! I will tell you some of what I am doing here in Matamoros, Mexico and what God has been doing in my life.

We arrived at The Gateway (AIM's base that I am currently staying at) late last Wednesday's night. We woke up Thursday morning and were told we were going to be starting a period of solitude. Solitude is basically spending all your time with Father God. You don't look at, touch, or communicate with anyone except for God. I enjoyed, and had some trouble with, this. I am very easily distracted, and being surrounded by my teammates and friends that I got to be with for just a few hours the night before and then not be able to talk to them was difficult. I am also very prone to comparing myself to others, and therefore struggled with seeing other people having a great time with God, while I'm just reading the bible. On the 2^nd day of solitude I cracked and ended up "breaking the rules." I went outside with a bunch of my teammates, while it was raining, to play in the insane rain puddles. We splashed around and then went swimming in some of the lakes. After that incident, I made it a real point to buckle down and have my Jesus time. Nothing miraculous or amazing happened during my solitude, I just was able to learn more about God. I learned that he isn't going to "show up" because he is showing up for everyone else. Ironically, he showed up the next morning just showing me what I did wrong and how I can fix it. We should be doing more solitude in the future, just not for a period this long.

AIM provided us with an "adopted family" to do ministry with Monday-Friday during our 8-week stay here in Mexico. We met ours on Monday, this time with a translator, and got to know the family and they got to know us. It was just so inspiring to see how God is working in this relationship when we had only known each other for an hour! There was a lot of vulnerability that day as our "adopted mother" opened up to us about her troubled childhood. In a couple weeks I will be able to tell you even more about this family, and possibly show you some pictures. I am not able to now because we are still building our relationship and working to break the language barrier. But, even though none of us speak Spanish fluently, and only took it for a couple years in middle/high school, we are doing pretty well!

On Tuesdays and Thursdays, we have morning ministry in addition to serving our "adopted family". This past Tuesday we went to a children's home. It's set up is like that of an orphanage, but is actually a foster home. All of these children do have parents, its just that the parents are in jail or are not equipped to be caring for these children. Let me tell you, the moment I stepped out of our van, my life changed forever. Since this is my first time doing international missions, and missions involving children, I didn't know how my heart would react to seeing these children. My heart really broke for them, and it's such a beautiful thing. For a couple hours, I held countless children's hands, ran around with several children on my shoulder, swung so many children around and around, and received so many hugs and kisses. Although my body was saying,"NO MORE! I can't handle the heat and all this activity," I wanted to give these kids so much more than what I was physically able to give them. There are a couple particular events that really stand out in my mind. There were 3 little boys that I met, and they loved being spun. One example is, I would spin them and spin them, but eventually I would get dizzy and have to lay them on the ground. Some of the times I would get all wobbly and almost fall over. But one boy in particular would come over and hug me, just so I wouldn't fall over and hurt myself. I'm so excited to form relationships with these kids. And I am so thankful that God arranged for us to be working with this children's home because it really is preparing me for the ministry I will be doing in South Africa and Mozambique.

So I really don't have much else to say because this is my first week on the mission field. Some (silly) things I learned are:

*Most days, you WILL get sunburn. And in most cases, the sunburn WILL be gone when you wake up the next day.

*You WILL be bitten by bugs at any and all times. (This morning while brushing my teeth and washing my face, I killed 2 mosquitos on my body leaving a bloody mess. That isn't including the bug bites I did get in those 5 minutes and the mosquitos I shooed away before anything happened).

*Savor having chocolate

*Cleanliness is a gift...a gift that I won't have for a long, long time.

*If you want to have a good bonding time, go in the kitchen at 10:30 pm and have some pb&j with friends!

*You aren't a missionary unless you have a terrible farmer's tan, and tan lines from wearing chaco's on your feet (seriously, just kidding).

And some other things you probabally would like to know:

*I am leaving Matamoros, Mexico on November 10^th and am heading somewhere. I am not positive of the location right now.

*I am flying to my ministry location, tentatively, on November 23^rd.

*I do have access to internet every day now, so feel free to contact me!

*Right now I need $1770 more in support money. If you are interesting in supporting me, you can click the "Support Me" button on the left side of this blog and send in money that way. Let's watch God provide!

Some prayer requests:

*My team going to South Africa. That we will be able to come together as a whole and be able to bond more.
*My leaders, Rebecca and Blair, who are discipling us everyday. That they will be working not through their own understanding, but through the Lord's.

*The other leaders who are bringing my teammates to Nicaragua, Uganda, and Swaziland. That Brittany, Tana, Jesse, Blair, and Rebecca will be open to what God has to say.

*My adopted family. Selena is 7 months pregnant and is worried about the health of the baby due to their small income and financial problems.

*Me! That God will provide all the support money that I need to get to South Africa and Mozambique, that I will be challenged more than I can bear, that I will not feel the need to compare myself to any of my other teammates, that I will be more open to the Holy Spirit and what God has to tell me, and that I will be even more aware of Satan's attacks.

Thank you all so much! I am sorry if it didn't seem like I would miss any of you when we said our goodbyes for the last time. I really do miss you guys!It's just that I am, and have been, so ready to enter this adventure with God. When God wants you somewhere, you want to RUN, not walk, right?

Radically committed disciples

Fri, 14 Aug 2009 00:00:00 GMT

The title pretty much explains it all. Radically committed. "AIM is called to raise up a generation of radically committed disciples." This past week in Gainesville, Georgia I got to meet part of that generation! It was just such an awesome sight: Boys and girls who are on fire for God and know the right balance of fun and seriousness. Everyone is hilarious, crazy, unique, loving, and part of my family from now on. I feel so blessed to be spending the next 9 months with them!

After flying into the Atlanta airport, we went on a journey to find the church we were meeting at. This consisted of taking a couple different trains, a bus, and walking several blocks. We spent 10 hrs evangelizing and "sleeping" on the streets of Atlanta, Georgia. We did some interesting team builders, such as having the 40 or so of us hold hands in a circle and run to the 2nd stop sign we could see and back, obstacle courses, and throwing around filled nalgenes! We prophesized, healed a teammate's throat and re-discovered who God is to us! There was only one hospital run the whole week, 2 swollen eyes, hundreds of bug bites and stings, and only 30 calls to the local police department on us for naively jumping off a bridge! But overall, it was a totally moving week.

Before coming into training camp, I was in a bit of a dry spot with Jesus...but everything I learned there brought a monsoon to my faith! I suppose that could be taken literally because I cried more than I ever have in 5 days time! Things I thought I had already given to God were finally gotten rid of and surrendered. All I can really say is praise God!

While in Georgia on AIM's base, my teammates and I found out where we will spending our outreach period! My team (Myles Long, Garret Berkley, Jenny Christensen, and Rebecca Florke) and I will be heading to South Africa in late November, early December! Words cannot explain how excited I am for this! A lot of you know that I was expecting to go to Swaziland, but God didn't need me there. While I was at camp, I came to this conclusion: God put Swaziland on my heart so I could give it up. I needed to put my faith in Him that he would take me where He wanted me, not where silly old me wanted to be! After being assigned to South Africa, I really am starting to fall in love with the country. Although the country has modern cities, South Africa is in dyer need of Jesus.

My teammate, Rebecca, found this interesting fact: The world's first heart transplant was done in South Africa in 1967 by Dr. Chris Barnard. Myles, another one of my teammates had this to say about that: We're totally going to be doing heart transplants if you know what I mean.

So, in conclusion traing camp was fantastic, awesome, enjoyable, crazy, lively, amazing, and exciting (Yes, I did look up a lot of these words in a thessarus). Even though I was able to straighten things up with The Big Guy in the sky, the Enemy is still trying to break me down- key word, TRYING! Some of the lies he is feeding me are: Swaziland is where you should be, your teammates don't love you, and your friends at home have moved on since you are spending the next 8 months out of the country. Luckily, I have weapons against him. But, nevertheless, please be praying that I can stay aware to what are lies and what are truth.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose" Romans 8:28

How God led me to missions

Mon, 2 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Ever since I was young, I've been the kind of person who doesn't care what people think of who i am, the things I do, how many friends I have, and will do close to anything to make people happy. And, looking back at it now when I'm 18 years old, I can see how and why God created me that way. He did that so I can feel comfortable with going "against the grain" and not going along with society's cookie cutter future: Graduate highschool, go to college, graduate college, get a job, get married, have 2.5 kids, become grandparents, then...that's it. For me, God has always had different plans. He designed me to not care what other people think of who I am and the things I do so I can comfortably evangelize His name and to go all over spreading the news of salvation. And He designed me to not care about how popular I am, or the friends I have, because I will be leaving them behind for a life in missions. If I weren't this way, I would have such a hard time and would be miserable in almost everything I do. He made me overly compassionate so that I would have that "drive" to spread God's love to everyone. It's so awesome to realize how God has already prepared for me it and I am so young!!!

Here is the confusing part: How God led me to missions. The past 2 years of highschool I had been considering, night and day, what to do with my life. At first I wanted to be a special-ed teacher, then History teacher, then it was something in mental disorder diagnostics, then nursing, then Elementary art teacher. None of these were something I could imagine myself doing for the rest of my life. Then I thought outside the box, for something new, something different. Then helping people in remote places of the world popped into my head, and it wouldn't go away. In the beginning, I considered the peace corps. I realized later that it wasn't for me because it is secular and I wouldn't be able to do it in the name of Christ. That was the biggest turn-off, so I moved on and started searching for a Misson organization. A good friend of mine went on a trip through AIM to the Dominican Republic last summer, and she reccomended them to me when I told her I felt led to Missions. After finding all the information, everything seemed to fit! I'm not the most confident person, so before applying I had some worries. I felt that I wasn't "good" enough to be going on this trip, like I didn't deserve it. But after prayer, and talking to some supportive friends, I realized that it doesn't matter about how I feel about the trip, it's what God feels about the trip. And he wouldn't be putting it on my heart for no reason.

There have been several signs, I think, that confirmed a future in missions. One occured to me when I was taking a spiritual gifts test with some people from my church. My dominant gift was evangelism. There are no other words than AWESOME to describe how I felt when I saw that!!! And the other signs were more discreet, but still mean a lot to me. They happened through worship songs, and I will show you guys what they said:

"To the desperate eyes and reaching hands, to the suffering and the lean, to the ones the world has cast aside. Where you want me I will be. I will go, I will go, I will go, Lord send me. To the world, to the lost, to the poor and hungry. Take everything I am. I'm clay within your hands. I will go, I will go, send me." -I will Go, by Starfield

"Despite the lies that you're making, your love is mine for the taking. My love is just waiting to turn your tears to roses. I will be the one that's gonna hold you. I will be the one that you run to. My love is a burning, consuming fire. You'll never be alone. When darkness comes I'll light the night with stars. Hear the whispers in the dark." -Whispers in the dark, by Skillet

You're not alone. There's more to this I know. You can make it out. You will live to tell" -You're not alone, by Saosin

Words cannot explain what these specific lyric exerpts say to me. But I bet they will mean something to you too.

Cait's expecations

Tue, 27 Jan 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Well, I do know I am VERY late on getting this blog posted! I keep forgetting this blog exists! But I will be doing a lot better with these!

I expect my life to be totally, completley, and utterly changed. What one of my biggest problems is trusting God COMPLETLEY! And by going on this trip, I am doing exactly that. I originally wanted to join the peace corps, but I am going on this trip on account of the countless convictions from God to get my butt to South Africa!!! Don't get me wrong, I am totally pumped for this, but this wasn't my original plan. And you know what, I am glad this wasn't my original plan. Why?! Because just getting accepted and doing the research strengthened my faith because I had no idea what God wanted for me, I just followed his lead...and HERE I AM!

I plan to be challended...in general. I don't know how, yet, and I can only imagine. This whole team of Godly men and women will be challenged in ways we can't even comprehend. I think it is exciting what God is expecting from us!

I am the type of person who will do anything to take pain from someone. On this trip, I plan to take the emotional pain of not having Jesus as their Savior from the people. I just feel like I understood Jesus later than I would have liked in my childhood, and these children deserve the opportunity to meet him NOW...and I expect to give that to them. Also, I plan to shower these kids with all the love that God gives me. I'm just going to need to be strong when it comes to that, because I love every person so much and it hurts when they don't understand that they are already loved!

I plan to be totally molded in God's hands. I am not sure how he plans to use me, exactly, but I hope he uses me with the children because that is where I am passionate most. I hope my relationship with God is molded, also. I pray that I will learn on this trip, or while preparing for it, to surrender my desires, emotions, life, everything to God and that I will not be afraid. This whole trip is planned, and nothing will be a coincidence, and I need to understand that.

I expect my faith to be tested. Tested while I am raising money for this trip. Tested while I wonder if I can handle the horrible things that happened to the people there. Tested while I am thousands of miles away from my comfort zone. And in many other ways that I can't think up right now.

And another "silly" expectation I have is having a problem with eating. I am vegetarian. I haven't eaten beef since I was 15 or 16, or poultry since I was early on 17. I know I have some changes to make in that department, and that my body might have some trouble...but I am just dreading the conversion to eating meat again.

And if you all could keep me in your prayers while I prepare for this trip. I know there are changes happening in me for this trip, and I just would like prayers that by the time I leave here I am the woman God planned for me to leave as.

AND...Thank you, all of you, who are supporting me. You all make my heart smile everytime I log onto my account. And you will be in my heart the whole time I am away because you helped me get there!!